Last night I went out of drinks with ChasingAmy since it is our bday tomorrow. Although technically since I was born in the PI, today is already my bday. But I live here now so... Anyway, we had a decent time, our usual spot at Bourbon St. where hurricanes are $5 all the time. It's like Rachel Ray's $40/day good time except we're at a bar and I'm spending $43.75 each time hahaha. Aaron & Joseph stopped by as well, Aaron had a new business card. He no longer works at the Hudson. ChasingAmy stopped by the hotel on the way to Bourbon, she told me they had redone the lobby. It's apparently all black with a big old chandelier. Still bad karma in that place though and unless someone posts a picture, persona non grata will not be seeing it. Enough of that dump.
Anyway, 3 hurricanes and a portebella mushroom burger later I was feeling nice. We weren't aiming to get drunk and we're far too old to be partying all night considering we've got families and established relationships. LoL Chasing had asked what kind of goals I wanted accomplished by my next bday. The big 3-0. I told her I wanted a different life from when my mother was alive. I want to be less complacent with how things are. I would've been more than content working a job with people I have no respect for as other people simply because they were lacking in basic things like honor, honesty, work ethic to name a few things, for a few years and not thought better of it. As it stands, shit happens and now I'm left wondering why the hell did I waste so much time at a position that was never going to promote me ever again when I have 2 degrees under my belt. F-in ridiculous. I carry a freakin bachelor of science! Anyway, back to the goals. I told her my 27th year sucked and I spent most of that year trying to live it up while simultaneously restraining myself from jumping in front of a cab. My 28th year I spent trying to figure out what was wrong with me, trying not to run death/funeral scenarious of different people that I love/care for and to say I wasn't myself is an understatement. Depression sucks and it physically hurts. I'm clawing my way out, my fingers are bleeding from the effort. Even Giant and I are in one of the best places we have been in awhile. Things were really difficult & there were times I just felt like ending it all but it would've been completely selfish & lazy. And before anyone asks again, we've been together for almost 5 years and the hold on us is me, not him. I have marriage issues, such as I don't see the necessity of it despite my parents being successfully married with death doing the parting. And Giant doesn't want to do anything half assed which I happen to agree with but since there aren't any children in the picture, I don't see rushing into it especially considering the financial restraints we are in. If I could interject an aside regarding finances, I'm $1900 away from owing only the federal government money. Which I am happy about, hopefully nobody else shows up with another bill. Let it be known though, I would love having my own place with my crap and my own cleanliness rules. It's mild OCD and I hate having to deny it lol.
So, 29th year. I need a job, obviously, but I'm not going to be too picky about it. I will still give it my best although admittedly it will not be 110%. I'm aiming for 95% haha. I will take whatever lessons I've learned from previous jobs and I won't be compromising myself any longer. The job will be mostly for money as my agenda is to get fit. 15 pounds lighter by the next bday. I'll start slow and I'll just keep in mind the pain is the weakness leaking out. Giant claims that Marines said it. I also want to help Kuya out because he's grown out of sizing charts at regular clothing stores. With our history of diabetes, we really should be more aggressive in our prevention of it. Otherwise the price and lessons our mother left behind would be wasted. Maybe get my eyes lasered because I am sick of waking up not seeing crap except for those eye floaties. Hahaha. I'm trying to get my money & paperwork done for citizenship before they raise the price again. And I am going to give a hard effort to getting what I want. To air some fears out, I'm afraid Giant will resent me and I'm afraid I'll let a job swallow up all my time again despite my painfully acute awareness of missing my family. God, all those family events I missed for a job that didn't appreciate me anyway. Fuckers.
Apparently I can go back downstairs now, they have all signed my card and my father was already asking me what we're going to do tomorrow. I want to spend all day awake! I really really need a haircut and I should stop chickening out and get it already. I told Giant I wanted Mariska's haircut but I could never pull that off since I don't have the patience to fix my hair every day. I'm more the air dry, pony tail it up kind of gal. LoL Plus I don't think I could rock that with my head shape... Then it's the usual, make unbroken spaghetti and I want hot dogs. Get cake. Maybe some grocery shopping. I welcome the rain tomorrow, unless it makes the day muggy then no, not welcome.
This past weekend's news. The last survivor of the Titanice has passed away. An AirFrance flight disappeared off the radar with 228 souls on board. And tonight's news, Angelina Jolie has bumped Oprah off #1 the Forbes 100 power list. Rock on Gemini!
And lastly, I got a fortune cookie about 2 weekends ago when Giant and I ordered food at his apartment. It said "your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." Best advice, I'm not sure about fortune though lol. Years ago, I got a fortune cookie while I was eating chinese outside the College Ave student center with EricB and it said happiness is right next to you. And I remember mentally scoffing at it while yes we were dating, yes he and I were happy but I had seriously doubted we'd be happy together. Maybe it was the cynic in me but I remember just thinking it was so funny that I got that fortune.
So.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :o) hoo-rah.
