it's been a long terrible year.
well maybe not all terrible.
sometimes it was nice but
sometimes i was lying to myself.
33 is one of my favorite numbers.
it's also the first episode of bsg.
i had all this money in the bank
because i wanted to be dead
and i didn't want my family
to worry about burying me.
i was paying up all my debts.
i was getting rid of my things.
but i felt funny leaving
without an explanation.
they would've been
surprised.
but everything seemed
pointless.
perhaps i'm ungrateful.
2012 was indeed the end,
my world at least.
my original intention.
mayans laughing somewhere.
i wanted to fall off a bridge
but i fell in love instead
and the impact felt no different.
it really did happen.
i feel underwater still,
some days.
for the save i suppose i could
offer a small bit of thanks.
because apparently life did
have something to offer.
he was meant to show.
i wasn't meant to keep.
he's unworthy,
caught me at a bad time.
doesn't make me less...
human.
makes me more actually.
we make mistakes.
we must forgive.
him and myself.
he wasn't enough.
i am so much more.
no love
without forgiveness.
no forgiveness
without love.
i said yes to him,
but no to me.
that's not right.
let it be.
i called on the 'verse for
something dark.
and it answered.
maybe if i called for
something light,
it'll be kind.
