today at work, i missed a vital part of the morning meeting where the gm had said that the temp comptroller is to get a specially prepared room due to her allergies. i blocked a room for said comptroller but did not leave any notes as to why, considering i had no idea why a dnu should be in place. later on, when the kidd checked her in he changed the room out to something comparable and thought nothing of it. i got the heat for it of course because i didn't put any alerts on the file. cynnia got questioned as to why there are no alerts & she smartly answered just because it's comp by you, the gm, doesn't mean we block rooms for it. he said that's why he stressed it this morning & the honestly blank look on his face made him realize i wasn't at the meeting yet when he said it. i told him i didn't know that it was going to be a specially made room otherwise i would've put notes. ugh... anyway, next time i'll just make the leap and assume i should tell the entire world there's another comp room on the list and we should do everything in our ability to scramble at the beck and call like the peons below when zeus throws down his lightning bolts.
anyhoot... queenliz is in croatia. who knows if she'll come back. well she has to, she's got responsibilities here but considering when i spoke to her today before boarding the plane she had no return ticket purchased, i may wonder. she said i should go visit but not having a u.s. passport, i may not want to step out its borders.
i've got to make a move man. i'm sick of this.
today's horoscope: "You know that you have to contend with a powerful person now, even if it's unpleasant just thinking about it. Luckily, once you begin a conversation, it will go a lot more smoothly than you think. Your greatest strength is your mental agility, so don't stiffen up under the tension. If you can remain flexible and are willing to learn from your opponent, you'll probably get what you need out of the interaction."
i wonder if the goop's gonna start something tomorrow with me because he was off today. for some reason, i do stiffen up. i hate confrontations.
tomorrow's horoscope: "It's challenging when there are so many things to do that if you try to do them all, you'll end up doing none of them well. On the other hand, if you focus on finishing one task before you start the next, there still will be much left undone. Although it may be less fun, the quality of your work now is more important than the quantity."
apparently i need to learn to delegate. i'm so tired these days i don't even give a rat's ass about the quality so long as i get the list done.
fight 'em til you can't. 063008/2259 hrs
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
horoscopes
today's [or is it tomorrow's] horoscope says:
"You might think that someone is purposefully messing with you behind the scenes, but it's not something you'll be able to prove. Instead of trying to bring hidden facts or secret motives out into the open today, just go about your business in a straightforward way. Don't get into a tit-for-tat strategy. You can't win now if you try to outwit someone trying to outwit you."
what the hell? considering how work is and the political climate there... though it could be worse. it could always be worse! lol. at least i still have my sense of humor.
i'm going to bed, after my 3 hour nap. i'm tired.
fight 'em til you can't. 062908 0119hrs.
"You might think that someone is purposefully messing with you behind the scenes, but it's not something you'll be able to prove. Instead of trying to bring hidden facts or secret motives out into the open today, just go about your business in a straightforward way. Don't get into a tit-for-tat strategy. You can't win now if you try to outwit someone trying to outwit you."
what the hell? considering how work is and the political climate there... though it could be worse. it could always be worse! lol. at least i still have my sense of humor.
i'm going to bed, after my 3 hour nap. i'm tired.
fight 'em til you can't. 062908 0119hrs.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
cornered?
well, interesting developments at work. i'm not sure if this constitutes as harrassment but i damn sure feel my job security went right out the window. those kinds of meetings blow. anyway, during today's morning meeting, the gm was kind enough to point out that i'll be filling in for the fom and to offer their support to me while she's gone. i can't say that i'm too excited seeing as how my work days just got longer. at least for the next 2 weeks. ever feel trapped in something? changes need to happen. at the very least i need to take some days off. i got out of work after 12 hours and it would've been longer if i hadn't squirreled myself away to the last terminal at in house. interesting things one hears when the operators don't know their manager is sitting right around the corner...
which reminds me, i have an eye appointment tomorrow. i've been wearing my glasses to rest my eyes from having contacts on all day. it's kind of nice, there's nothing resting on my eyeball. of course, not much has changed of my opinion on glasses. everything you see has a frame around it. maybe it'll help with perspective but mostly, especially with summertime & sun, it'll just give me a weird face tan. but at least i look HOT in these glasses. lol!
what else? oh phil the bellman had their baby today. they named her melia. apparently sol melia had a huge effect on him... lol totally kidding. they just like the name. phil is done for! that little teeny tiny baby already has him wrapped around her finger hahaha we started a collection at work, how awful we are! we didn't think to do this earlier, this gift giving.
last night, i went out with the sisters. we went to see an alfred hitchcock play called "the 39 steps." no expectations on the play really except that i was tired and most likely would've fallen asleep. anyway, it was hysterically funny. well written 4 person cast show. their visual effects were 1930's based most definitely but well executed. i wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. i still owe madhatter moolah for that.
i think that's it. another day, another dollar. same sh!t, different day. if only i could do this somewhere else. believe me, i like what i do. i just don't like the atmosphere there and i'm beginning to get just a whiff of hostile.
fight 'em til you can't. 2110 hrs.
which reminds me, i have an eye appointment tomorrow. i've been wearing my glasses to rest my eyes from having contacts on all day. it's kind of nice, there's nothing resting on my eyeball. of course, not much has changed of my opinion on glasses. everything you see has a frame around it. maybe it'll help with perspective but mostly, especially with summertime & sun, it'll just give me a weird face tan. but at least i look HOT in these glasses. lol!
what else? oh phil the bellman had their baby today. they named her melia. apparently sol melia had a huge effect on him... lol totally kidding. they just like the name. phil is done for! that little teeny tiny baby already has him wrapped around her finger hahaha we started a collection at work, how awful we are! we didn't think to do this earlier, this gift giving.
last night, i went out with the sisters. we went to see an alfred hitchcock play called "the 39 steps." no expectations on the play really except that i was tired and most likely would've fallen asleep. anyway, it was hysterically funny. well written 4 person cast show. their visual effects were 1930's based most definitely but well executed. i wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. i still owe madhatter moolah for that.
i think that's it. another day, another dollar. same sh!t, different day. if only i could do this somewhere else. believe me, i like what i do. i just don't like the atmosphere there and i'm beginning to get just a whiff of hostile.
fight 'em til you can't. 2110 hrs.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Memorial Day
Our dear friend Kenneth Sackey was murdered on Memorial Day weekend in the Bronx. They said it was some sort of altercation earlier in the weekend and they had basically followed him going home from the family barbeque. Kenny ran for his life and eventually they caught him in a building and shot him. He was pronounced dead on arrival at St. Barnabas. So far police have no leads as to who murdered him.
Kenny worked at the hotel. He's been there close to a year. He was a security guard for the hotel, always came to work with a genuine smile on his face and a real happiness seeing people he knew and liked. He was funny, he was smart, and he always had a good Navy story or some other life ridiculousness type of anecdote (sp). He did his job well and he got along with everyone. He always made me laugh, he listened to what I had to say and when it came to the job he respected my position and his responsibility. He had my back when guests became out of hand and he threw out the ones that I deemed no good for the hotel. He did it with a sense of humor and never let anything get too him, not for too long anyway.
It was a short blurb in the newspaper. The newspaper left out that his birthday was only celebrated 3 days before his death. Nor will others know that he served in the US Navy for a good decade, travelling all over the world while he was enlisted. They will never know how he just broke up with his girlfriend because she wasn't good for him. They didn't know that after being a security guard for so long that he finally caught a break. He was going to be an engineer at the hotel. He applied for the open position and got it. The hotel was going to send him to school so he could be an even better engineer. He took the FSD class and the exams all on his own so that when he does get on shift for Engineering, he could be the FSD on duty too. The Chief already agreed to have him do his on site test at the Pmt. He was starting that week. I told him get ready because the place is a nightmare, things always breaking down and he knew I'd be demanding. He walked with people to their train stops and bus stations because it was late at night. He offered to get food for me because he knew I am always too busy to eat lunch. He played pranks on me on slow days. He used to twirl the keys in the lobby and I was worried he'd hit me in the eye because that cord was just too damn long. He had an infectious laugh and when he figured out what no good you were up to, he poked fun at you for it and all you could do was laugh. Jose said he thought of me as a little sister and Kenny always paid me a compliments saying I didn't belong at my position because I work too hard and I was too good to take this kind of abuse. He also said I was the right height to be a fighter pilot because if I ever had to eject, I wouldn't hit my head on the way out. The last compliment he paid me, he said he never said that I was pretty and that sometimes he hears the heavenly bells when he sees me. The last time I saw him, he was coming into work [late *snicker*] and he was all dressed in a lighter blue with matching shoes and a big old smile on his face. And I had pointed at him from across the street and he laughed out loud. I didn't get to see him the last day he worked at the Pmt because he was up doing the detects and I was leaving late again and I just figured I'd see him next week when he started at Engineering. The following Tuesday morning was one of the worst days I've had.
Kenny, rest in peace my friend. I hope you knew that people respected you and will miss you terribly now that you're gone. That smile and that laugh will always be missed. Say hi to your mom and hi to mine please.
1800 hrs.
Kenny worked at the hotel. He's been there close to a year. He was a security guard for the hotel, always came to work with a genuine smile on his face and a real happiness seeing people he knew and liked. He was funny, he was smart, and he always had a good Navy story or some other life ridiculousness type of anecdote (sp). He did his job well and he got along with everyone. He always made me laugh, he listened to what I had to say and when it came to the job he respected my position and his responsibility. He had my back when guests became out of hand and he threw out the ones that I deemed no good for the hotel. He did it with a sense of humor and never let anything get too him, not for too long anyway.
It was a short blurb in the newspaper. The newspaper left out that his birthday was only celebrated 3 days before his death. Nor will others know that he served in the US Navy for a good decade, travelling all over the world while he was enlisted. They will never know how he just broke up with his girlfriend because she wasn't good for him. They didn't know that after being a security guard for so long that he finally caught a break. He was going to be an engineer at the hotel. He applied for the open position and got it. The hotel was going to send him to school so he could be an even better engineer. He took the FSD class and the exams all on his own so that when he does get on shift for Engineering, he could be the FSD on duty too. The Chief already agreed to have him do his on site test at the Pmt. He was starting that week. I told him get ready because the place is a nightmare, things always breaking down and he knew I'd be demanding. He walked with people to their train stops and bus stations because it was late at night. He offered to get food for me because he knew I am always too busy to eat lunch. He played pranks on me on slow days. He used to twirl the keys in the lobby and I was worried he'd hit me in the eye because that cord was just too damn long. He had an infectious laugh and when he figured out what no good you were up to, he poked fun at you for it and all you could do was laugh. Jose said he thought of me as a little sister and Kenny always paid me a compliments saying I didn't belong at my position because I work too hard and I was too good to take this kind of abuse. He also said I was the right height to be a fighter pilot because if I ever had to eject, I wouldn't hit my head on the way out. The last compliment he paid me, he said he never said that I was pretty and that sometimes he hears the heavenly bells when he sees me. The last time I saw him, he was coming into work [late *snicker*] and he was all dressed in a lighter blue with matching shoes and a big old smile on his face. And I had pointed at him from across the street and he laughed out loud. I didn't get to see him the last day he worked at the Pmt because he was up doing the detects and I was leaving late again and I just figured I'd see him next week when he started at Engineering. The following Tuesday morning was one of the worst days I've had.
Kenny, rest in peace my friend. I hope you knew that people respected you and will miss you terribly now that you're gone. That smile and that laugh will always be missed. Say hi to your mom and hi to mine please.
1800 hrs.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
365 days
Last night was so balls hot, Uge-wan hauled the A/C units up from the basement. One in my room, and one in the living room [currently where everyone is hanging out]. Grapegum's room is mad hot but I get full exposure in my room. Mama always said my room was crazy bright; she liked it. Their room was in the back. I heard Uge-wan huffing and puffing up the stairs. He only brought up 2, he said the suckers were heavy and he got tired. LoL
Due to the leap year and all, 365 days ago was when our world got turned upside down. At about 1:37am that time, the house phone rang. It was the night duty nurse, she said my mom wasn't breathing, they performed emergency procedures but she unfortunately "expired." Yup, she used that word. I suppose she was trying to be factual and not cold but I felt the world drop out from under my feet. I was standing in the hallway outside my room because for some reason someone put the phone that was in my parents room in the hallway outside my door. I was tired from work, came home later than usual due to some delay on the turnpike. I heard the first time the phone was ringing but I was hearing right past when I was about to fall asleep. I didn't want to pick up the phone, no one ever calls at that time and no one ever calls the house line that late. I curse caller ID because the bad feeling had crept up behind my head, like a cloud weighing a ton. She told me and I screamed and everyone woke up in the house. My father was still at work but he said at 1:25am, he told his supervisor he had to go home right frakkin now. He was only 3 hours into his shift. He felt it, she was passing. It was his first day back at work after being on medical leave, which he took when she had her quadruple heart bypass.
I'm not sure how long I screamed. I felt my face was all wet. My skin itched. My skin felt like it was on fire. My legs felt like lead. My head felt like lead. My skin prickled in pain. My eyes burned and I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't stop yelling. I ran all the way downstairs to the basement, to Kuya's room screaming. I think I threw the phone and I told him to fix it because the stupid lady on the phone said Ma was dead. I can't erase his face. Then I ran back up to the living room. I said we had to call Tay. We had to call Kuya. I think Kuya Uge called Tay, who was signing himself out of work. He kept asking him if he was ok to drive back home. Tay was quiet, Kuya was sobbing he kept saying the girls were crying and he doesn't know what to do. I called Kuya Ugo and he screamed on the phone. I don't remember hanging up with him. Tim was on the phone, I think with Tita Zeny. Dawn was sitting by the foyer mirrors, crying with her head down. My little sister, I'm sorry I woke you up like that. I went upstairs and I told Joaquin to call work, let them know I wasn't going to be coming in for awhile. Then I started to get dressed, crying hysterically. I was screaming at them to go to her because she was dead and she was all alone and none of us where there. I felt the guilt climbing into my stomach, like a hot piece of heavy coal. My head was pounding. Kuya Uge gripped my upper arms, I'm not sure what he said but I think he was trying to calm me down. I remember thinking I've never seen my big brother cry. The 3 of them left. Tay was on his way there already. Kuya Ugo was coming to get me and Joaquin. Tita Zeny called my phone, she was talking about God and I kept thinking is it a boat on a river? Pray for her soul for safe passage.
We got into the van, Erika drove. Kuya passed me tissues. Kuya Uge met us at the door, he told me I had to be quiet. The other patients were sleeping and Ma has a roommate who's probably scared to death that someone died on the next bed. She was laying there, looking like she was asleep. She smelled like her perfume that Kuya Ugo gave on her last birthday. But she was cold and her face looked ashy. And strangled sobbing escaped from my throat, I felt like choking and vomiting. But I grabbed her hand and I rubbed it on my face and I cried for my Mama and all the conversations and laughs we will never have. And I can't believe it because I just talked to her not more than 5 hours ago. And what the fuck are we going to do because Mama's gone and she never complained how much she suffered.
My 27th year sucked. And for the rest of my life my birthdays will be overshadowed by the painful memories of that night. It sounds selfish but I mean really, Happy Birthday and Death Anniversary?! Dawn was the only one who thought that; she would too. I've had 365 days of living just because. It's not enough just to survive I hear. It's time to wake up because even though my mother wasn't perfect, she was the best mother I - we could've asked for. And she wouldn't want us stagnating in our lives just because she wasn't there anymore. Whether to poke fun at us or laugh with us or just be the sound listening ear she always was, because we are her kids damn it. And just like when we were young and it was hot so she'd let us strip down to our underwear to run around during a family get together, she would want us to be free.
Fight them until you can't. 2303 hours.
Due to the leap year and all, 365 days ago was when our world got turned upside down. At about 1:37am that time, the house phone rang. It was the night duty nurse, she said my mom wasn't breathing, they performed emergency procedures but she unfortunately "expired." Yup, she used that word. I suppose she was trying to be factual and not cold but I felt the world drop out from under my feet. I was standing in the hallway outside my room because for some reason someone put the phone that was in my parents room in the hallway outside my door. I was tired from work, came home later than usual due to some delay on the turnpike. I heard the first time the phone was ringing but I was hearing right past when I was about to fall asleep. I didn't want to pick up the phone, no one ever calls at that time and no one ever calls the house line that late. I curse caller ID because the bad feeling had crept up behind my head, like a cloud weighing a ton. She told me and I screamed and everyone woke up in the house. My father was still at work but he said at 1:25am, he told his supervisor he had to go home right frakkin now. He was only 3 hours into his shift. He felt it, she was passing. It was his first day back at work after being on medical leave, which he took when she had her quadruple heart bypass.
I'm not sure how long I screamed. I felt my face was all wet. My skin itched. My skin felt like it was on fire. My legs felt like lead. My head felt like lead. My skin prickled in pain. My eyes burned and I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't stop yelling. I ran all the way downstairs to the basement, to Kuya's room screaming. I think I threw the phone and I told him to fix it because the stupid lady on the phone said Ma was dead. I can't erase his face. Then I ran back up to the living room. I said we had to call Tay. We had to call Kuya. I think Kuya Uge called Tay, who was signing himself out of work. He kept asking him if he was ok to drive back home. Tay was quiet, Kuya was sobbing he kept saying the girls were crying and he doesn't know what to do. I called Kuya Ugo and he screamed on the phone. I don't remember hanging up with him. Tim was on the phone, I think with Tita Zeny. Dawn was sitting by the foyer mirrors, crying with her head down. My little sister, I'm sorry I woke you up like that. I went upstairs and I told Joaquin to call work, let them know I wasn't going to be coming in for awhile. Then I started to get dressed, crying hysterically. I was screaming at them to go to her because she was dead and she was all alone and none of us where there. I felt the guilt climbing into my stomach, like a hot piece of heavy coal. My head was pounding. Kuya Uge gripped my upper arms, I'm not sure what he said but I think he was trying to calm me down. I remember thinking I've never seen my big brother cry. The 3 of them left. Tay was on his way there already. Kuya Ugo was coming to get me and Joaquin. Tita Zeny called my phone, she was talking about God and I kept thinking is it a boat on a river? Pray for her soul for safe passage.
We got into the van, Erika drove. Kuya passed me tissues. Kuya Uge met us at the door, he told me I had to be quiet. The other patients were sleeping and Ma has a roommate who's probably scared to death that someone died on the next bed. She was laying there, looking like she was asleep. She smelled like her perfume that Kuya Ugo gave on her last birthday. But she was cold and her face looked ashy. And strangled sobbing escaped from my throat, I felt like choking and vomiting. But I grabbed her hand and I rubbed it on my face and I cried for my Mama and all the conversations and laughs we will never have. And I can't believe it because I just talked to her not more than 5 hours ago. And what the fuck are we going to do because Mama's gone and she never complained how much she suffered.
My 27th year sucked. And for the rest of my life my birthdays will be overshadowed by the painful memories of that night. It sounds selfish but I mean really, Happy Birthday and Death Anniversary?! Dawn was the only one who thought that; she would too. I've had 365 days of living just because. It's not enough just to survive I hear. It's time to wake up because even though my mother wasn't perfect, she was the best mother I - we could've asked for. And she wouldn't want us stagnating in our lives just because she wasn't there anymore. Whether to poke fun at us or laugh with us or just be the sound listening ear she always was, because we are her kids damn it. And just like when we were young and it was hot so she'd let us strip down to our underwear to run around during a family get together, she would want us to be free.
Fight them until you can't. 2303 hours.
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