Dark Knight

last night we [giant, grapegum, madratter] went to see the Dark Knight. it was a great action movie, good storytelling, good acting all together. it's a shame heath ledger did not see the outcome of his movie; batman in general is a crowd pleaser. the movie made $18.5mil alone at the midnight showing on opening day.

batman is an interesting character because i think it shows the possibilities of (wo)man. i'm not saying we should all have a huge tragedy happen in our lives so that each individual makes a difference in the world. but we don't all to sit on our ass all day and not feel like we've contributed positively or negatively in our world.

[aside] honestly, i think that's what gets me 95% of the time at work. what does working in a hotel do to make the world better or my life more fulfilling. it's just putting out fires with guest complaints and being subjected to the dramas of 3 dozen people on a daily basis. honestly i was better off working the PM shifts because even if the rooms weren't ready or we were short on something, i went home after 10 hours. people aren't f-ing adults, they don't take responsibility for being adults, they all play games, and if thrown in the real world they'd sh!t their f-ing pants. ok, maybe not all. there are the select few who know the differences between want and need. and generally, myself included, i think people just whine too much. it's what 99% of the population is good for. rightfully so, i'm disgusted with myself at the moment for sitting on the terrace blogging while there's work to be done. on the other hand, i'm tired as fcuk. seriously every day it's the same little things at work, same complaints, same problems, same lame ass dramas. it's a good thing some people are on vacation.

speaking of vacation, i really need to take one. either that or file for a mental health leave or something. i'm not sure why i don't stand up for myself. or make my life better. i keep telling myself to finish my resume but giant made a perceived condescending observation that while i'm miserable at my job, i seem to be perfectly comfortable staying there despite all the health problems i am undoubtedly getting because of that place. instead of being subjected to a sudden traumatic event, mine is slowly being stretched on for the last 3 years. i'm dead serious when i say i'm going to blame alot of health issues on that hotel. it's got bad karma, bad energy. ulcers, tumors, cancer [from the asbestos], constant migraines, even ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder). i should get a therapist.

speaking of therapist, that's what batman should've gotten. the duality of a man. a madman tempered by humanity. tragedy's a bitch i tell you. there are some days i feel like the family is toppling because for some reason i thought my parents would live f-ing forever. and now that one's gone, it's a broken formation; there's a drill sergeant missing. the psychology of batman is going to be playing on the history channel this weekend. i hope i remember to watch it; i'll probably forget. the old man wants to go Borgata this weekend. maybe i'll win something at the slots, enough for an unnecessary coach bag at the outlets down there.

i keep saying i need to make change and i can't get myself out of this rut. it's not even the all encompassing, final kind of destruction i'm doing to myself. it's more the passive, stroll to a slow practical death. i'm not happy, bottom line. i'm amused by things, interest is peaked on certain things but generally i have no desire to expend energy on anything. and once i get through the hurdle = lack of motivation, my life would start to pick up and my happiness would eventually increase. i look at those around me, upper management for example. do i really want to be there? do i really want to aspire to be that kind of a person? and giant said he will not have our relationship dictated by a j-o-b. it's not even a career. and right now i make no money, comparatively, to the position i hold and the work i do. it's f-ing ridiculous. sweatshop workers are subjected to conditions as such because they have no choice/desperation or society traps them in social classes forced to work in those conditions. a social essay aside, i'm not one of those people. this is a voluntary imprisonment. all i'm saying is sweatshop workers know what they are in for and no i'm not being insensitive to their lives or their poverty. i have no idea why i'm being abused, most often by people ruled by their whims, mood swings, hedonistic goals, or who's life is monitored by their own stupidity or ignorance. i work long hours, frustrated by lack of tools, lack of motivating appreciative leaders, and general malcontent towards the machine. and yet i don't have to be.

the world is a tough place and people are sheltered. sheltered by their class, their financial situation, their parents. everyone should at least know what it's like to be really hungry and not know when you're going to eat next.

1608 hrs/072308