unceremonious mind dump

does the old adage kill them with kindness ever actually kill anyone?
hatred. hostility. self reflection.
wow, like calling the kettle black you little shit.
LIAR. exaggerated facts.
it's only been 6 weeks you fuck, look at the calendar. you want some bank receipts.
hypocrite.
ice castles.
neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them.
necessity of a therapist.
anger management class.
you were always staying out after work, let's not get it twisted like he was the reason.
how many times have i had to practically beg you to pick me up?
i walked home 2x because you were at the gym and didn't feel like coming home.
i waited for ugewan 2x for 10pm so i didn't have to walk even though work started at 1oam.
and kuya picked me up once cuz you were fucking busy.
you are an ASSHOLE.
you! you do have an attitude problem.
you do NOT know better at twentyfuckingone years old you shit.
clean up your shit. get off the couch.
you're a girl,
very careful to pay for food, eat what food??? you don't buy groceries!
i'm not paying for shit anymore.
oh God, it's too frakkin bad she's dead she'd straighten your self righteous ass out in a half a second.
it may be wrong but it pleases me to no end she agreed with me.
sibling relationships are complex but for some reason they lean towards passive hostility.
i'm his family and if you don't get that, you're an idiot. or have the mentality of a child.
26, you've got no excuse. grow the fuck up.
if the old man tells you to leave it alone, listen. he's a veteran of 30 year long family feuds and familial disconnects.
maybe if you hated yourself less, you wouldn't be such a dick to people around you.
remember this? you're so concerned with all the suffering people in the fucking world, but you can't even examine what goes on within these 4 walls. now, stop being a douche, go downstairs, and eat dinner with the family.
forgive but don't forget.
i got my eye on you, you've got some mental impediment.

God, I'm tired.

the limit doesn't exist, thanks Mr. T.

Mr. Tarrant was my high school homeroom teacher. He was the only math teacher at HTHS when I arrived there in 1994. There were I think 94 students in the entire school. The superintendent knew all the kids' names and at least one parent. He smelled like moth balls because he probably kept his suit jackets in storage. But he did always have a suit jacket and slacks, also wore a tie. He taught math with a passion, always taught us to be respect ourselves so we could be respectful to each other. He gave me "Hyperspace" and secured that I would traverse that road of geekdom. Physics is good reading, I tell ya. He nudged me on that same route for the next 4 years, handing me the Science section of the NY Times when I walked into homeroom. Or leaving it on the corner of his desk if he was somewhere else. He continued to be a presence in our young lives, teaching math, rarely getting annoyed with the kids. He was well liked, respected. On my senior year, taking the calc final I got stuck on something. He gave me a small hint, he said it was a birthday present. I passed. lol. After graduation, we [my circle of girls] met up with him a few other times. The last time was a few years ago, Trini was deciding so we went to a Vietnamese restaurant in JC. He paid for dinner even though we had jobs. It was gentleman-ly. Trini always kept up, told us what's up. I don't remember seeing him at MadRat's graduation. I was thrown off by people thinking Pepe was my kid.

Two days ago, I got the news that Mr. T passed away. My sister had called me on my way out of work. I got to speak with Danny the next day. He said the neighbors had noticed he hadn't moved his car for a couple of days and that he was getting multiple parking tickets. JC and it's alternate side street parking. Authorities were alerted. They called Mrs. Brancato most likely and the news was passed on. He died alone and no one knew. I hope he didn't suffer. I hope he knew he had touched so many young lives and that he will be missed. I was looking forward to seeing him at a 10 year reunion. Rest in peace Mr. T.