Unemployment

Last time I was unemployed, it stretched on for 11 months. It was miserably dreary towards the very end, much like how the skies are today. The first 3 months was more than welcome, considering I was terribly burnt out from being overworked and the holidays had come 'round so it was nice to spend time with family. However the remainder of that time trying to sort out a jumble of feelings and thoughts from my self worth/place in the universe to how the Yankees/Devils were doing to my God it's 5pm and I've just gotten up where has the bloody day gone?! Sometimes I try to remember those days and honestly I'm not sure if my brain had switched off to preserve power or currently my brain is burning power just to hide it from my consciousness. I however remember feeling bone penetrating weary with myself or the world or life. It's the sort of weary that you can't sleep away. Did I mention I'm saying this in my head with my poor imitation of an UK accent?

It's been 3 months since my demotion in position but promotion in social life. We used to laugh how an AFOM promotion was a demotion in the hospitality industry. One becomes their job, complete pity since one should never align oneself (self worth or otherwise) with something that would never appreciate the sacrifices you make and for paltry pay at that! The first month was uncomfortable, note understatement. I was sleepy all the time trying to readjust my sleep schedule. I had gotten annoyed with people who said I should've just quit and wouldn't that have been lovely if not for the whole paying for things bit of living. A person who could've been trusted turned out to be an egotistical opportunistic narc that wanted me to requisition a larger front desk so we could all fit with his massive ego. And you know me and egos, back up all your talk with actual skill and if you want to say something inflammatory about me, best say so to my face. The little balding shit. And button up your uniform shirt, no one wants to see chest hair and please stop talking; it just shows how socially awkward you are. Your speech is littered with embellishments and incorrect presumptions about your coworkers. And before you, LBS, say that Yvette was brave for quitting her job before getting fired unlike myself who is just hanging around how about you figure out the full picture first. Considering that shit blew off Leo on his LAST day in the USA because he's got a family to support and bills to pay, one should surmise people stay on board for a paycheck. I am good at my job, I'm not perfect and occasionally I am great. LBS would never reach my level simply because people who think they're better than everyone else, over a mere shit title no less, never are. To lead, you must first learn to follow. So. Shut. Your. Gob. Douche.

Where was I before I vented about that shit? Oh yeah... Furthermore the new manager acted like everything was an emotional personal offense to him and was befuddled as to why he was receiving so much resistance. Like feigning ignorance to the situation you went into would actually help your cause, ridiculous. And for a fantastic 2 week stretch, the beast below was running some sort of witch hunt making clear that being unhappy or voicing what she construed as rebellion versus staff morale concern was dealt with in a manner that had everyone wishing we had human resources. It's really frustrating having to deal with people who think they know better. Instead of using their cunning for business success (although used for personal success), a ridiculous amount of energy is wasted showcasing she's the woman with the power. I hope everyone bloody quits on her though I sincerely doubt she'll learn any sort of lesson regarding treating your staff. She's that stupid.

Back to the Yankee game. Tired of looking at the screen and my fingers are oddly cramping. Bottom of 8th, 4-4 vs Orioles in the Bronx. I got a list of to do before my vacation that hasn't seen the light of day. Literally. It's overcast. :P

100th & back to the rat race

how apropos, I return and it's the 100th post. fantastic. coincidences being contrived and all that.

anyhoot. It's not like I haven't been blogging on occasion here and there on the other one but life [and by that I grudgingly mean work] engulfed me yet again. I forgot what I learned from the last place; let's recap.

-It never pays to be nice. If I try to be too concerned about keeping people happy by granting their requests, giving an ear & voice to their gripes about performing their job responsibilities etc etc...I am pretty much the only one who ends up not being happy.
-I have a ridiculous work ethic or respect for the position I hold. If I'm responsible for making sure the desk is covered, if it means I have to cover the whole bloody thing I'd do it. With a smile on my face no less and a wicked hate growing in my heart. The latter is unfortunately also a truth. This is the part where I dislike myself and in turn start to resent everyone for inviting the murderous monster back into my soul.
-You give people an inch, they will take a mile. Human nature. I wish people would really grow out of the entitlement thing. Being there doesn't mean you're entitled to be selective about which rules and responsibilities you should adhere to because it doesn't suit your wants. Alas, I think until the end of time people will always try to get over something or get away with something. Comeuppance! And by that I mean, giant asteroid to wipe out humanity. Or hand of God. On a side note, youth really is wasted on the young. Talk about squandering your time! You do not know everything, you will never know everything, nobody ever does and while I appreciate your passion and energy about things you're interested in, please don't try to shove it down my throat like it's the truth.
-Unless you're working towards an end game of say, being GM or owning your own property, middle management in the hospitality industry is pretty much a demotion in life. There is no love (one can't get a thank you from above or below, trust), no glory (your peers will take credit for your ideas so put everything in writing or email witnesses), and no money (because we're only a 65 room property and we don't generate revenue like a larger hotel, amazing you can tell me that with a straight face when your $8k bonus just came in the mail. you madam are a dirtbag). And oh! the hours... Let me tell you, I'd shut up with half this sh!t if I got home at 5pm. The most insidious part of being middle management is you're so overworked and underpaid, you develop learned helplessness AND you've no time or energy to go on interviews to free yourself from it all! Brilliant!
-I need to find another job.

I did learn a few new things but were old truths.
-You can never anticipate how a person will react.
-A decent reliable employee doesn't mean s/he doesn't have something against the whole regime. Let's face it, kooky VG was reliable but busting a nut on the sales manager's chair was a rather graphic way of expressing his distaste for how the whole place was being run.
-People can't change their situation if they don't believe they can.
-Some people really are soft headed.
-Arrogance is a disability, unless you're young and white. In which case, you'll probably get promoted eventually. But over my dead body.

And...not in any category. But the French, they revolt and have an argument for everything.

Thanks for the welcome back.

See to your more visual counterpart at brokenformation.tumblr.com

peace!

Been awhile.

I've been bad, haven't been blogging. I didn't write about the end of BSG or my apparent tolerance to watching cop/crime shows all day without getting an idiot box headache. I didn't blog about Stephanie's 6th birthday or how she said she doesn't remember Lola's voice anymore. I can't describe the bittersweet pain of my mother not seeing first hand all the crazy things this kid does. I don't write about how much my sisters hurt my feelings. How I wish my mother was around because we still need to be disciplined, humbled, smacked around for lack of manners or thought. I don't blog about how I gave up on my relationship and the crushing relief when I accepted Joaquin wouldn't have even if I did. I gave up on myself. I don't dream or at least I don't remember it and that had always been an indication that there was something wrong with my thoughts from past experiences. My dreams always disappeared when I lost my bearings. I told myself I was a loser. Worst of all, I believed it. How it occurred to me that working through things takes 3x as long when I don't want to talk about, keep it, let it fester, let it eat away on the inside til I felt hollow enough that a little pain was enough to wake me up. For a minute at least. I wished I had a therapist so I could badmouth people I didn't like without being told they didn't want to hear about it or someone showing lack of interest in even listening. Having to consolidate my feelings about people I used to work with. It started with anger, resentment, homicide and now I'm mostly on pity. Because really, who wouldn't pity people who if scratched on the surface yielded nothing but more surface? Whatever happened, they can't ever take away any lessons I've learned over there.

My mother's 2nd year anniversary is coming up. My 29th birthday is coming up. Today is the year anniversary of Kenny's murder. I would like to be a police officer. Rabbit said I shouldn't be because I'll be poor. I told her I was poor now. I looked up the big office building next to the apartment complex and I discovered it's a lawyers office. Hahaha, I just find that hysterical. Kuya said to apply for anything because even if it was $10/hr I'd be only crossing the street and eating lunch for free at home. I'm not sure I want my world to shrink to such a small geographical radius [on the account of I don't drive] but I think after the mindclusterfuck I'm trying to sort through it would be ideal for me. Most likely lol. We shall see, if I manage to get it and it's only $10/hr I'd make more money on unemployment. Sad isn't it? I do miss having a schedule and a purpose, even if it's only a job.

I should take some trips before I go back to work. ChasingAmy has tentatively planned for the two of us to hang out before our bday; she thinks we'll be out partying all night however past meetings have ended approximately 9:30pm at the latest. Our asses are getting old and my alcohol tolerance isn't what it used to be! LoL

I'll come back and post more. I need to, this was my therapy before all of this crap.

Eagles morning

on the iPod, The Eagles' hits. for the past week I've woken up to ABBA from the old man cranking up the tunes downstairs in the big player. Don Henley singing "Desperado" during the concert will be right up there as best all time life memories. Along with Eric Clapton singing "Wonderful Tonight" and I looked up to a starry night.

the to-do list is getting quite massive but they're getting done at least. yesterday i tried to complete my mandatory phone call application to NY unemployment office. with thousands of people unemployed, the system puts you on hold & if it can't locate an open operator it'll tell you to call back in 15 min and then disconnect you. hopefully i'm more successful today.
i'm still sleeping with the door open and the closet light on, although in a stroke of genius [a really slow stroke] I put some tissue paper of the gift wrapping variety just on the uppermost part of the door. the light is angled just so that when I'm lying in bed not sleeping late at night, it hits my eyes. so now it's muted by tissue paper with snowflakes patterned across it and I don't have to hide under my blanket to get some darkness.
my Dell RAM is shipping out late, annoying. probably mentioned that already since I'm really annoyed. one of the few purchases I made on black Friday, which I learned is called that after an old accounting practice of marking costs with red ink and profits with black ink in the books. the other modest purchases I made were at Target: Goonies, The Devil Wears Prada, Iron Man. what I really wanted was the Dell Mini 9, originally planned to buy that on the account of having a job but oh well.

the Christmas budget went up: $261.12. that's how much spare change I had in my room! all in random vessels, old Christmas box, plastic bag under the dresser, and an actual piggy bank. so yay! we must be more thought oriented this year considering the bank balance. but I do so love giving presents especially when it's something the person would enjoy. we will have to pool money with the siblings for the extended family and in-laws. sheesh, last year I gave uge-wan $300 for a snowboard alone. goes to show how I love giving presents or how much I love certain people. what? I'm emotionally constipated; I can't show affection any other way. well I could, but I'd rather not have to kill unless absolutely necessary.


was talking to chasingamy last night and she'd suggested even though we can't go and do our Fifth Ave shopping for that ONE thing we could afford Christmas extravaganza, we could still capture the Christmas spirit. we could still go see the Rockefeller tree, have some D&D coffee or cocoa & have a hopefully cheap but good lunch. there are times I hope to be as self-assure as her. I also know if she read this, she'd scoff since there are bad days & maybe she doesn't think of herself that way some days but she's a woman who knows what's good for her. she told me hkn asked how I was doing & how the communist said she didn't know "they" were going to do this to me when she went on vacation. complete horsepoop as department heads aren't left out of monumental decisions such as this. plus the little tidbit she let slip to chasingamy before leaving for her vaca was more than enough proof she knew beforehand. chasingamy is a good friend, called hkn on her sh!t & said if you thought soco was such an unreliable flake then why'd you put her in charge of so much crap. defending me and poking another hole in hkn's faulty logic, if she had any to begin with. people who don't stand for anything fall for everything and I actually pity hkn for how she is. when I first met her I thought she was just a victim of her youth but really she's just a scummy idiot. speaking of which, I realized yesterday that since I'm no longer anyone's boss I don't have to bite my tongue about any of the other morons and low lives I met there. how utterly satisfying to tell lesliegirl what I really thought of alex. LOL

it's getting close to the end of the year blog, the rundown of all things good and bad, lessons learned from 2008. most times when I remember to do the end of the year blog, I start composing it ahead of time because I can't remember it all in one sitting. I'll probably just do a rundown, mind dump, Doogie blog. or not. whatever heh heh. I need to get off my ass if I want said ass to fit in something summery by the end of the month. if all goes well, I'm going to be on a jet plane after Christmas. in the meantime, chasingamy suggested the Special K diet. uge-wan managed to eat only one bowl of oatmeal this morning [he said he was on detox hahahaha] & I've already dug out the perfect push up, the exercise ball, and resistance bands for his fat ass. the fridge door has some explicit picture instructions: feed cat, kill Dawn, water plant, and make fatboy slim. we can't exactly do the 2nd, but we've all ignored the last for too long.

little things (about daily life):
- Shimmy has a pet rock, no idea where she got it as she's an indoor cat. but sure enough, she was playing with a rock that is way too big to have been caught in someone's shoe. cat magic I guess.
- beer bottles, I keep finding them everywhere. grapegum & the old man leave them wherever they finished drinking it. I told him that this morning, and the cheeky response I got in tagalog was it's good to be buzzed. there are still 2.5 cases in the kitchen. *sigh* it's annoying enough they have that talking bottle opener which can be heard all the way upstairs behind closed doors.
- where did my collection of mugs go? the Star Trek mugs! lol... and my X-Files mug that changes the message on the side when you pour hot water in it.

"I suffered fools so gladly. And now I find, I've changed my mind."
120208/1122

Thanksgiving '08

no turkey this year, not that we're not fans but making a whole turkey just seemed ludicrous considering it will just sit as leftovers for days. so we opted for chicken instead. poultry is poultry in this family. the first year i've eaten thanksgiving with the family and it was just the 5 of us. giant had work, and kuya ugo went to his in-laws. i'll give erika this, she makes a mean turkey. we also made too many sides, in army unit proportions. madratter basically was the chef, call me sous. all in all good, we were stuffed and didn't even make it to the homemade pumpkin pie or any ice cream for that matter. and the apple cider was incredible, even more so with pomegranate juice. just thought i'd share that as my own personal discovery which i'm sure many people already know. i felt kind of bad we didn't pick up our aunts down in south jersey as they spent it just them. but they will be here this christmas so i guess that's good.

here we go.
- spare change total, $187.25.
- why did i make 2 lbs worth of mashed potatoes? i thought the potatoes would reduce, thinking of course of the mushrooms! note to self, do not make mashed potatoes with sour cream any more. people think it went bad the next day. =/
- the potatoes may have gone bad and too bad i ate it bcuz now i'm awake since my stomach won't settle.
- black friday and no new electronics. except for the 2gb of ram i bought for junior. he is SO sluggish, i'm about ready to throw him out the window...
- black friday mass idiocy, a man [may he r.i.p.] was trampled to death by sale hungry morons at a long island wal-mart. 34 yrs old, seasonal worker, died from the rush of about 200 people for the early morning sale. wal-mart told his family he died of a heart attack [please look closely at the damn sneaker prints on your son's face!]. and children, i hope you enjoy your made in china play things because mommy and daddy killed for them.
- loida called me and left a message. i just heard it today. she said thank you for wishing a happy holiday & to give her a call. she still hadn't found permanent work.
- need a haircut. also need to feel like the new year is going to bring about new things, fresh, un-bitter things.
- and yay giant. that went like a fanfic.
- speaking of which, i need to write. insanely. with scribbles and plot lines. and cliffhangers and epiphany type endings. or maybe a fable or lesson. i needed paper in a bad way but i'd only get an outline done.
- turning japanese is not working out so much. i have way too many spanish books to ignore.

the other day i heard a story about pepe from uge-wan about her daycare days over a year ago. one of the evaluations the teacher gave was an amused recollection of what she responded to in class. the kids were asked where peanut butter comes from and like most kids, they said either peanut or butter. pepe answered from the jar. we should've known then she was going to be a smartass. i love her so, i want to smack her 5 year old face for being funny. :-D

time to settle in, fight 'em til you can't. 113008/0112

1 week

it's like a fading bad dream, my tenure at the hellmount. i honestly didn't know what i'd do once i got out of there, frankly forcibly was not one of the scenarios. it's like finding one's sanity. you're striving for it and you knew it was important to find it, get there, but you weren't really sure what to do once you got there. it's only been a week, i guess i got some things to figure out. ever since the news spread, shows who really gives a crap. it both comforted me and irritated me. i probably thought some people were more important than in actual reality. epitaph: "here lies coco, she did alot of work but it was all for naught. now fuck off." at least that bastard won't call me that name anymore.

on other news, harvey junior has been giving me problems. it's like he's throwing a tantrum for me leaving for houston for a few days. when i left, he worked fine. now it's taking forever to load things. forget about loading aim! so gchat for me at this point and facebook. and i'm not sure if it's because grapegum now has wifi on her computer by my signal is significantly weaker. i got like 3 yellow bars with intermittent 4 green bars. and dear Lord, seriously forget about loading more than 2 programs running at a time. including spider solitaire. i'm not sure if more ram will fix this but hopefully it does. it'll have to be my last big splurge since now i've got to ration out my money. it's been a hot minute since i've had to really watch what i spend. you can count my bluetooth earpiece [it's red, i had to get it] as my pre-unemployment binge buy. the first black friday i have off and i have no money to spend! lol. ain't life grand?

hmm now for the job front. i'm not sure i want to dive right back into work to be brutally honest. i keep telling myself that the hellmount had taken so much from me and i shouldn't be further beat by the negative energy from that place and from those people by not looking for a job. but geez... for over 4 years, with the exception of my mother's own passing, not much has occupied my mind. that being said, i had nearly sacrified many relationships because they couldn't compete with the amount of time and energy i spent regarding the hellmount and all it's denizens. or citizens. whichever. i didn't see people for several months at a time, i emailed my own family who lived in the same house, and giant was thisclose to just ditching me for someone more attentive about 1/2 a dozen times. and yet nothing, i got the shaft anyway. i would like to shed a tear for the hellmount because all things considered it was a loss. maybe i thought i could make a difference and maybe that's why i tried so hard and worked so hard. but like the epitaph said, it was all for naught and i should've quit months ago. i promised myself i'd make it a year after she died and i did and i should've quit then while i was still more than 50% into all the bullshit there. but working myself to the ground just to avoid my own emotional implosion of her leaving was not the wisest of actions. but i was always stubborn and always independent [flaws that broke a couple of romantic entanglements mind you]. people who cared about me kept pointing it out but i was too invested in my own decisions to take heed. something about if i backed out of my own choices then it showed me to be weak. i have no idea why i'm so bananas like that. i took care of business there but the business never took care of me.

SO. lessons? never put 110% into any work or job unless your name is on the sign. work is work, friendships are separate from work even if your own friends work there. i think i got good at that. nobody appreciates bullshit or lying and most times people see through it. but that's not to say one should not practice discretion. multitasking is great, balance is even better. if your gut instinct is twitching, follow it and take notes. blind cc is your best friend when dealing with unsavory characters. your word is still your honor and anyone who doesn't believe that is not to be trusted. take office gossip with a grain of salt and always consider your source [lol]. and funnily enough, the last one is from someone who was older and wiser but couldn't be trusted - no matter what they say to you, how they talk to you, they can't ever take away the lessons you've learned from there. have faith in myself...

call me the girl in limbo then, i'm at a crossroads in my life. it's a shame when a handful of people, once all things considered, tell me this is a blessing in disguise with such conviction in their voice that i'm almost certain they knew something all along that i had missed. or too foolish to listen to. adversity shows a man's true character. and the hellmount was nothing but adversity. i should've listened to myself from 2 years ago. don't expect anything from them, but expect nothing less from myself. i suppose deep down i did know i didn't belong there but you stick with the evil you know. LOL. i'm sure i'll think of stupider rationales in my future. so now what?

scrape up some moolah and i guess i should try to go to boracay.
i should start living. it's as simple and hard as that.
112008/2346hrs

capital D for disability

well, i've got the ball going. i'm filing for disability on monday with hr. i'm feeling marginally better. got a check up yesterday, got more meds. that was nice. uh-oh, haven't had that filled out yet. i also have a 5-6mm cyst on my kidney which is by 2 doctor's opinions no point of concern. we will test in one year's time and hopefully i stop shaking the salt shaker like maracas and drink more water. 2 things i so don't do. dr norman is going to help me file for disability. i have to bring my notes etc.

it's funny. i've been at my job for 4 and a half years. and aside from my resume and a handful of friends for the foreseeable future, i don't even have any satisfaction to show for it. i was joking with giant that the end of this job will just be like bsg. sad, bitter, and everyone dead. and he had said, hopefully not the latter. i had said, yeah i don't have those double leg holsters ala lara croft. oh well... anyway, the players involved almost guarantee that the ending will not be pretty. and i'm too far removed to give a sh!t.

fight 'em til you can't. 101008/1911hrs

iPods galore

well steve jobs hates you. at least he hates you having money. the new iPods have been released into the wild and they are hot. the new iPod touch for example, currently on the short list of things to get but at least it's got a name. the other 2 items on the list are "netbook" and "kick ass cell phone." of course, by the end of the year we're also making our 2nd trip to tiffany's. that's alot of paychecks mate. of course these are things i don't really need. i have a perfectly fine laptop to use for internet and such so a netbook would just be redundant, but smaller. another cell phone, also useless as my samsung smartphone is more than enough for my average daily use of phone calls, massive texting, aim messaging, and facebook/ff-bsg browsing. i don't need another smartphone at all. as for the ipod touch, i have 2 perfectly fine mp3 players. in fact the nano in a fetching red, and the creative zen has all the software features that the new itouch has. realistically, a bunch of these software additions and hardware modifications have been on other companies' mp3 models. so ipods are popular because they're trendy, not so much technologically revolutionary. steve jobs is brilliant, even if he hates you.

now about me, ha! i've been feeling mighty off lately. i can't even sort mail without wanting to either drink myself to a stupor or whatever else may get me to that numbed sort of existence. i mean, honestly! i can't even clean my own room and usually i'm quite fastidious about keeping my ish clean. laundry? pfft! dry cleaning? pffft! common areas? ha! it bothers me for a fleeting moment, like head to toe annoyed at the situation and it just burns itself out and fizzles out to apathy. there's not even any food in the house and my GOD the grocery is a mere 2 minutes away and i'll just sit in front of the boobtube and watch more bloody hgtv. i definitely keep alot of big stuff in, despite running my mouth all the time. i just can't do things anymore. i don't take care of myself. i don't sleep [*cough* it's 2:13am and i'm blogging]. i don't drink enough water. i don't really eat and when i do it's not healthy stuff. i don't exercise. i'm not saying it's translating into psychosomatic concerns, shooting pains on my sides, heavy body, leaden limbs, fuzzy head but yeah i'm not doing so hot. time to make some moves. and i need to remember that God never gives you anything you can't handle.

fight 'em til you can't. 091108/0217hrs

MRI

well, last night I did my 2nd training for the overnight. cynnia is def more organized than jason, but to be fair jason had a really awful cold that night & it was prob a miracle he did the overnight. on top of being robbed at knifepoint in the bronx, he had a crappy evening. lesson learned? don't have your blackberry on your belt, especially when it's labor day weekend and there are alot of out of towners. his parents have lived in that neighborhood for 20 years and he'd never had a problem.

i took tues off since cynnia offered to work, not wanting to lose her vaca day and hello kitty nazi already owed me a day from when goopy's pet called out 15 min before her shift & basically screwed me to do a last min double, for an overnight i wasn't trained for. while operationally it's a good idea for everyone to know how to do every shift, let's not deny that the training was brought about because goopy's pet had whined to hello kitty nazi that it's not fair she had to the overnight's whenever jason or cynnia were out. i kind of want to explain to both of that that's how seniority works and that the number 2, in position and treatment mind you, should not have to do any overnights. if she actually schedules me for one, i'm going to refuse it. office politics is so stupid. and i'd be the first to say i didn't want her as a manager because she's such a child. Lord, she tried to call out sick because she had her period! it makes you want to laugh & then start working half assed because hard work doesn't mean much especially if someone so idiotic is favored over you just because the mr. bipolar upstairs [or under the stairs] favors her.

anyway, now i'm waiting to go the medical imaging place to get my mri done. i have a full spine work up ordered the dr. norman. this should be interesting. it should've been earlier but here we are waiting for 6pm to roll around. i have to text grapegum later see if she'll pick my sorry ass up. otherwise, it'll be expensive town cab ride back home. it's really awful timing because i'd like to take some time off and of course work just acquired a new gen mgr so taking time off now would be just ludicrous. and possibly career killing. already they've transferred the dir. of f&b tony to another highgate property and dir. of sales alfred has been eliminated. something about cnetralizing the sales departments throughout all the hotels but keeping one rep in house for each property. makes sense instead of all the constant blackberry traffic, they can all be in one spot except for the "field agents." lol... ahh... well, change is always good, whether they fire you or relocate you. i'm sure mr. k knew this was going to happen but he couldn't have stopped it either way. good thing larry left before all the hoop-la.

i gotta freshen up for this mri think.
fight 'em til we can't. 090408/1602 hrs.

unceremonious mind dump

does the old adage kill them with kindness ever actually kill anyone?
hatred. hostility. self reflection.
wow, like calling the kettle black you little shit.
LIAR. exaggerated facts.
it's only been 6 weeks you fuck, look at the calendar. you want some bank receipts.
hypocrite.
ice castles.
neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them.
necessity of a therapist.
anger management class.
you were always staying out after work, let's not get it twisted like he was the reason.
how many times have i had to practically beg you to pick me up?
i walked home 2x because you were at the gym and didn't feel like coming home.
i waited for ugewan 2x for 10pm so i didn't have to walk even though work started at 1oam.
and kuya picked me up once cuz you were fucking busy.
you are an ASSHOLE.
you! you do have an attitude problem.
you do NOT know better at twentyfuckingone years old you shit.
clean up your shit. get off the couch.
you're a girl,
very careful to pay for food, eat what food??? you don't buy groceries!
i'm not paying for shit anymore.
oh God, it's too frakkin bad she's dead she'd straighten your self righteous ass out in a half a second.
it may be wrong but it pleases me to no end she agreed with me.
sibling relationships are complex but for some reason they lean towards passive hostility.
i'm his family and if you don't get that, you're an idiot. or have the mentality of a child.
26, you've got no excuse. grow the fuck up.
if the old man tells you to leave it alone, listen. he's a veteran of 30 year long family feuds and familial disconnects.
maybe if you hated yourself less, you wouldn't be such a dick to people around you.
remember this? you're so concerned with all the suffering people in the fucking world, but you can't even examine what goes on within these 4 walls. now, stop being a douche, go downstairs, and eat dinner with the family.
forgive but don't forget.
i got my eye on you, you've got some mental impediment.

God, I'm tired.