I opened my facebook today, in the inbox was an email from Romain.
Now long story short, years ago, a girl had a hugantic crush on a boy, I got the boy through the magic of can't help what you feel for someone, and bam! bye bye friend circle. Let me tell you, I agonized over it; I didn't expect him at all and I had loved Sheryl dearly. So, Paul still talked to me but I was like the other half of the divorced parents who lived on the west coast. That friendship has woefully atrophied; don't get me wrong we're friendly but I wouldn't consider us friends. Aside from he got married and my mother died, we don't know bupkiss about each other.
Anyway, I became shunned like the Amish girl who liked shopping too much in Banana Republic in her year of freedom. I got called trash, whore, among other dirty monikers I haven't cared to remember since it happened. I mean, I know who I am. I know my faults and those names definitely do not define me. So then me and boy just went our merry way, rocky start but we reconciled with each other that exploring love is indeed-y important and real friends wouldn't turn on you like that. Nor would real friends leave multiple messages through AIM or voicemail about how much of a tool you are to claim a boy who was thus far unclaimed, so to speak, by anyone. I didn't think a crush was a claim, lunches aren't promises for forever, and a smile wasn't the beginning of marriage, house, and 3 kids. Adam laughed once at my defeated attitude upon receiving yet another hysterical call from Sheryl; I had said she's just venting her fresh batch of anger at me again. In the space of a commercial break, I deleted all their screen names and numbers from my life.
To be fair, I'm not sure what happened on their end that they turned so feral towards persons they had hung out, laughed with, lived with, and adored. I adored them. Of course I was certain then that a particular individual more likely fueled the drama simply because she was that type of person to do so. And even now when I think about it, girls are just crazy... How does one decide which friendship is more important? Maybe that individual had it happen to her but her reaction certainly wasn't warranted and instead of being a good friend to me & Sheryl, she perpetuated some lame ass behavior. It's been a long time since they've hurt my feelings, since Adam kissed those tears away, since I made new friends. The only thing I really missed was the camaraderie and having people who were there know/laugh about the same things. The ones I'm still friends with weren't around then. But when I needed them to be my friends, they weren't and I was left in an apartment with brand new roommates and a gap to fill. Sheryl tried to reach out once, if I recall correctly I received a call at Campus Kids. She was saying hi but by then, I had already desensitized myself from them. I didn't have the energy to be friends with her. I was struggling as it was.
I'm a little wary naturally. Six years have passed and we're strangers. He apologized for getting caught in the drama. He cringed at the stupidity of the whole situation. He's waving the white flag. I've thought about firing back because I swear, high schoolers would've reacted better than they did. Well I can be a grown up and just deal with it, be it an actual white flag or a Trojan horse. Or I could continue on with my life and just ignore it.
I do have nice memories of when we were all friends. I met him through 56 Place. It would be nice if someone else remembered what went on those years. Lord knows I can't remember things too well & it niggled my brain a bit that I couldn't ask someone else what happened on that day or that party or how about that time we went to Stuff Yer Face.
Plus I am looking to change things.
So much for working out tomorrow. It's 0410 hrs. Good day.
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