Bye 2008!

Another year over. I hate to say it but my life is fragmented to before and after my mother's passing. I suppose that's normal and I really do miss her.

So, what have you done?
Well for the first 11 months of the year, I was employed at the Cancermount. It was a job and not a career and I am no longer there. Management was littered with people who did NOT earn their titles and were full of bs. The douche of operations said all the time anybody can do the procedures but it's the person that gives the job meaning. Unfortunately, he was more of the do as I say not as I do type of "leader" so right there was a recipe for disaster. The Cancermount had the uncanny combo of bad product, deceitful people & learned helplessness. And as annoying as the whole situation has put me, I know I am much better off. Now I can regain some of that tainted moral fiber, business ethics, and quality of life I was trying to protect in the first place.

I've been to 2 Broadway plays: The 39 Steps, an Alfred Hitchcock based play. Wonderfully witty and surprisingly funny. I was hoping for a nap during the play but it was quite good. Also, Avenue Q which I already knew was going to be funny. Nothing like humping muppets to get you laughing from your belly. Plus one of the bellmen burned me the whole soundtrack from the play so I got a souvenier for free.

Four concerts this year: Spice Girls in Feb with grapegum, madratter & one of mad's friends, full of teeny boppers & the almost 4o year old set. A great energetic show actually, people dancing in their seats @ Izod. The next 2 concerts were with the sisters & the old man. Eric Clapton down in Holmdel; the REAL guitar hero. He was excellent and forever I will have Wonderful Tonight & the stars above embedded in my mind. It was cold and dark, outdoors y'know, but my God he was unbelievably good. his guitar crying/wailing through the crowd on their feet and his humble thank you at the end of each set. the old man managed to finagle from us girls 2 shirts as souveniers from the show. Later on that week, we went to see the Eagles. for complaining, we ended up with 4 of the best seats on the house. we were 3 rows from stage & my ears rang for a day but it was worth it. AMAZING. Hotel California is truly best live and I almost cried during Desperado. Almost! Then in Oct us girls went to see her Madgesty. Also a good show, production and presentation were great. And I loved how she rocked out her old songs. For an older broad, she is in good shape.

There were several sporting events attended as well. Chief among them was the last home game for RU football, particularly because it's Teel's last game too. And even though we didn't get to attend the Papa John's Bowl, the Knights brought home the title so hurrah! There was a Devils game in there, Nets bball and 3 Yankee games if I'm not mistaken. The best being, of course, on my bday where we had the seats behind first base so that was too cool. I didn't want anything on my bday except quality time with family so I had bought tix to the Yankee game. Good seats cost mad money... And even though I paid $50 for 4 cheesesteaks that day, I got that shot of Jeter adjusting the goods. LOL Hotness...

As 2008 comes to a close, I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Because sometimes I need a symbolic fresh start and these days ain't nothing closer to that than the dawn of a new year. 2008 chapter is about to close and while some parts I wouldn't mind re-reading, I can't ever forget any lessons I have learned. And I must always remember that for now, it's better for me to forgive but not forget and if someone who cares for me wants to give me advice I should pay attention and listen. Because it is quite true when they say you can't see the forest from the trees [and you can't smell your own sh!t on your knees lol]. It was a good year, despite some things. Life is pretty gray area-d anyway, there's no such thing as black or white for experiences. I do need to change some things about me though, like that annoying habit of defending things/people/situations that shouldn't be defended and shouldn't be given the benefit of a silver lining spin. I need to build a thicker skin but not lose me. And I need to fight for things I want. Hmm... there's a lot of work to be done but I'm up for it. Especially if it means I could do better.

The hardest thing in the world is to live in it. Let's see what Aurora brings.
Stay tuned for to shanshu in Woodbridge. We'll see how that project goes.

HAPPY 2009!! MAY THE NEW YEAR BRING PEACE, JOY, AND PROSPERITY!!!
thank God, this sh!t is over lol

Freedom.

well, I just got back from Houston yesterday. note: everyone there drives and gas was below $2. as raf said, we make it down here so we get it cheap. I went to visit some family down there and maybe catch some sights. first day there, we did nothing but watch movies [Gone in 60 Seconds & Miami Vice]. we also stopped at Jack in the Box where Uge-wan got himself the sourdough burger he's been craving. I opted for the healthier but no less awesome chicken pita. tita bab & tito nannie made us dinner with fresh cut fruit and plaintains as side dishes. she even gave us vitamin supplements when we finished dinner. then dancing with the stars in the "tv room" which has a tv the size of pepe's room. their house is 4500sf, so please let's all try to imagine how big the tv is, needing only popcorn to complete the feeling. oh yeah, there's a lake in the back yard. 2nd day there after bfast of blueberry pancakes, we headed out to the museum of natural history thinking we were going to catch an imax film. too bad they don't update the website as we had the wrong times. so instead we caught the bodies exhibit & gawked and ooh and ahh'd at the dead bodies on display. some of the displays will forever play roles in any scary dreams i will have in the future. not sure why they don't let you take pictures but then again, i wasn't too keen on having any REAL dead bodies saved on my xD anyhow... raf took us to Lopez restuarant where we stuffed our gullets full of tortillas for $10 a person. they had no fried ice cream so we went to cold stone creamery then. then it was back to their house for dancing with the stars. lol, they watch tv together. we checked our emails etc, chatted... houses there are cheap. just gotta score a job and save some cash. of course, there's also the kooky weather so not sure if it's worth it to live in a place where the roof could be ripped off at any time. alot of store signs, etc were still unreplaced from hurricane ike from a few weeks back. that night i couldn't sleep because the rain was hitting the window hard while coming in sideways and the ground shook with every lightning and thunder. i fell asleep trying to figure out how far the lighting strike was. 3rd day, very late start which was further delayed with watching Flags of Our Fathers. we went to Taste of Texas where we got to pick our own cut of meat. I killed that 16oz steak but dagnamit, I felt all meat drunk afterwards. their potatoes au gratin and crabcake were also excellent. we didn't make it to kennedy space center even though we drove out there. caught traffic on their highway so we got there 1/2 before closing. but the lady let us in free to take a look around, see what we can explore for next time. the clone wars exhibit is there. anyway, I think we'd like to do the Level 9 tour. they take only 12 a day & it's the behind the scenes tour. it's a nerd/dweeb tour basically. i cannot wait. I may as well go seeing as I'm now unemployed.

the hellmount has let me go. I'm not upset per se seeing as how my moniker for it is hellmount. and I've taken so much abuse there, unfair breakdown of work [how come everyone else gets a free pass not to have to do something just bc they don't seem all that interested in it]. plus one of the other managers managed to get herself knocked up and let's just save hkn the embarrassment of asking me to do PM shift bc she's pregnant. apparently I'm being labeled as job abandonment and if anyone thought about me as a professional for the split second for them to realize I'm really not there, then it would have seem incredibly laughable to someone who really knew me that I would walk away from the job. f-ing ridiculous. and if I were half as crazy, I'd barricade the doors and set the place on fire with everyone inside. if i really walked away, my back would surely have the flames of the hellmount reflecting off me leather jacket. cuz when one is raising hell, there's got to be a leather jacket involved. people get alarmed when i say things like that but naz said, if i started to sing happy happy joy joy a call to the looney bin would be placed. citing i always had a dark streak but i've learned to temper it for more practical things. it's so funny how just 2 or 3 things sets apart the psychopaths/sociopaths from the "normal" population. it's funny how things get decided. lucky for people i want to help the good guys fight the good fight.

oops, got sidetracked with that last bit. anyway, I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something and perhaps this is the fire I needed lit under my ass to get the ball rolling. I was talking to naz and chasingamy about how i'm destined for something greater but i'm just too damn tired to reach for it. naz said i should make a shirt out of it. but really, i am destined for something better, greater. i just need a nap first. LOL i slay me. admittedly, i'm more upset i don't get to leave on my own terms but you can't win them all i guess. i haven't won anything for the past year anyway. and i should congratulate myself. i did manage to get promoted and i surpassed my own predicted shelf life at the hellmount. I promised myself that I'd make it a year there after my world crashed down. and let's face it, i should have left when the douche of operations told me i hadn't improved as a manager since i became one. what an a-hole. it's been way over a year. people had so little faith in me there. best not to lose faith in myself then, right?

let's see what aurora brings.
fight 'em til you can't. or at least til you don't have to. 111408/1449hrs.

Freedom - Day 38: President Elect

well children, the dawn of a new era i suppose. we've gotten ourselves a black president. some comedian had said that the country had gotten sh!tty enough to warrant an actual change. others see this as one of the portents to the apocalypse, complete with a soothing voice. regardless, where i stand is far more sinister than either of these camps. it's too bad i'm neither motivated nor a genius.

anyway, today started off with some hammering. the powers of that be for the apartment complex are replacing the balconies for the units. so today is our turn. they redid the actual balcony, which was in sore need of updating/reinforcing, and put in new support posts. i think they used the same banisters & guard rails. a financially prudent choice, as well as environmental. pffft, right. then uge-wan took me to doc norman for therapy. i usually go on fridays but this whole week the old man is going to work early. they cut 20 flights this week so they need someone to cater earlier. therapy, i've been fortunate, has only taken at least an hour of the day. it was pretty good. doc norman must have arms the size of hulk hogan's, cracking & massaging people must take some sort of strength. then it was post office, bank and i finally dropped off my dry cleaning. not all of it but at least enough of it to reduce that pile that's just been draped over the banister outside my door. we picked up madratter from work, where we stocked up on chips and dip for no reason other than being lazy fat bastards that we are. and to our own slow realization, we were just hungry. we headed to menlo across the street & "feasted" on taco bell. i haven't had that crap in ages so i'm not gonna feel guilty about it. we then decided to go to best buy and check out the hp touchsmart. uge-wan got annoyed by it but he said later on how are we going to split it. it's just a regular old vista pc....but with a touchscreen. madratter bought a bleach game, shattered blade released 2 yrs ago, and i finally got me a bluetooth. specifically the samsung wep350, in red of course. they had black ones but who am i kidding? i always get the red ones. they did not have the epix or even the touch diamond so a bust there. anyway, i'm happy i got the bluetooth. i really needed one, like i need a tattoo. lol

so tomorrow, i need to arrange to have my head examined. and get that damn prescription filled though i'm not sure as i haven't finished the cyclobenzaprine. anyhoot... and go to the mall, return a pair of pants that to my horrid realization was made for chicks with NO asses. not small asses, NO asses. so it feels like the waist is just chillin right above my crack. and my bank of course, to deposit a check. i wonder if i have any checks from work left..?

things to ponder: getting a haircut before going back to work. urgh... just the thought of it makes me sick. work, not the haircut. and where can i get at least one foot in to work in a private investigation firm? i really really need a driver's license. frell it, i should just do it.

fight 'em til you can't. until then, hope obama has a good plan. 110508/1804hrs.

Freedom - Day 29

into the wee hours we meet again friend.

anyway, sunday was spent mostly conscious at rosehill. i took some photos, posted them on facebook. spent a long time with the old man listening to the trees and overhead planes. i was trying to be a good kid and listen to the wisdom my old man has learned in his life. he asked us this morning if anyone wanted breakfast and i had yelled out i wanted the eggs he was cooking. he said "sure thing sweetheart" and did his i'm an funny crazy guy chuckle and said "f*ck you man." hahaha he's the best comedian i know. it's all about the delivery. i'm not sure if there were any lessons today since he just wanted to chat and reminisce. but last week's sermon was that no matter how close you are to someone, you will have things you just have to keep to yourself until you shrug off this mortal coil. my father has secrets apparently.

anyway, i drank my crappacino while he talked. i call it that because it inevitably always leads me running to the porcelain god for an offering. and now that i think of it, i reckon that odwalla green superfood i drank hours later didn't help to settle my stomach. the dangers of sharting i tell ya. where was i?! oh yeah, we went to best buy and i got myself a 6-1 card reader. this way i won't have to rely on grapegum knowing the whereabouts of the family card reader. currently it's location is unknown. i then had fired up the skype with giant; see his sexy ass on screen. my inner voyeur approves. i had started to watch firefly, ended up watching the first 6 episodes. it's a space western! it's got joss whedon all over it and it occurred to me that if you watch enough sci-fi/fantasy... you see the same actors. but it never gets old.

i should get to bed. i have yet to pick up my fossil watch on 5th ave; it's been there a week. i didn't even bother calling. hopefully i get it back. they hadn't called with any problems anyway. hopefully my stomach would've settled by then. that french onion soup from saturday night probably started the gastric discomfort i'm in. bad choice champ.

fight 'em til you can't, yeehaw! 0216hrs

Freedom - Day 28: the walk that never happened

10.25.08 was supposed to be the Diabetes Walk in bridgewater. too bad it wasn't there when we got there. grapegum isn't sure if they had canceled it last minute due to the wanna be monsoon weather but she had thought they'd walk at -20 deg weather so what's a little rain & 65 deg weather? regardless, no joy there. felt bad that ugo-wan, wife, and their young padawan [pepe] had come to participate and it was a bust. we went to a reo diner & grapegum & i split the bill. they took the night off, lost moolah and got nothing but dinner. madratter was there too, we picked her ass up after work. stupid backseat was covered in purple balloons. grapegum was a bunch of grapes for vram's party down in hillsborough. she had the pepe blowing balloons with her this morning; making a grand old mess in the living room.

on other news, i woke up this morning from a really strange dream. madratter did her requisite point and laugh when i told her, said something about me being f*cked or whatever. i can't quote sh!t to save my life according to them. i think i just don't care to listen half the time but i digress. i dreamt i was in a cage, not like jail cage, an actual free standing cage. there was noise, not sure from where but other prisoners? my capturers? guards? i knew we were below ground. looked down on my feet and legs, realized 2 things. i was naked and i was most definitely male. so i tested the bars, shaking them slightly to see if i had my strength. the bars surprised me, i mean how could i, a *vampire* be held by such human means? i started to put effort into it now, using my right arm, shaking the bars in anger and trying to actually break it off. and i started to really yell in anger. i think someone was coming to investigate the noise i was making too... before i woke up from the noise the other house occupants were making downstairs. i really should sleep with the door closed but so far i haven't made any progress in convincing myself there's nothing in the dark that would hurt me.

seriously, how come i never have lucid dreams? you'd think if i'm coherent or cognizant or whatever other c word there is describing my awareness during a dream that i'd bloody realize i am actually dreaming! hello?! vampire?!? male??? naked?! and not one of those description words tipped off my subconscious to say hey doofus you're dreaming. it's like when i dreamt i was the first mate of a pirate ship that ran aground in some unknown island & some of the crew were the fd staff. and why a male vampire?! lol...jeeez. twisted much?

pfft, fight 'em til you can't! 0209hrs.

Freedom - Day 25

well today was a bust, i think. i didn't wake up until around 11:30am. of course, i went to sleep a little past 6am so i guess i've been up longer than i thought. i heard madratter and the old man stirring about, she was going to work at noon. i didn't bother getting up, my muscles felt stiff but i felt better even after so little sleep. probably because giant was kind enough to talk until i fell asleep. over the phone, but we take what we can get. right champ? i did get up, got myself something to eat. on the menu, chinese take out since it was technically lunchtime. just b/cuz i got up later, doesn't mean i can't have lunch. the old man bought it from the de lee [aka the deli].

yesterday's retail therapy was a by product of having a crappy day, that's my diagnostic assessment in layman's terms. i'm no doctor after all. but dizziness, some lost balance, no pain per se, usual soreness, generally felt like i was in a fog. i thought a warm shower and a walk to the mall would help. the cold crisp air certainly woke me up, until i went into the mall and the controlled environment pulled me back to feeling wonky. madratter took my bp 113/75, within the normal range but on the lower spectrum. and then i couldn't sleep through the night, i felt like i could run a marathon. and i was itching for a fight, anything that would get my arms moving. i settled for tinkering through my stuff. let ocd run it's course. i did get some stuff done but i couldn't tackle under my bed because it would've been too much noise. i did find a rutgers hat in my closet so that solves the mystery of me thinking i had a hat b/cuz i actually did. i let redpod run to, um, red and then plugged it in to charge & put a timer on it just so i could have some background ambiance. you all know i'm a big fan of ringing silences. not!

today was good, felt better. i still don't drink nearly enough water. area of improvement there. but i did pay my cell phone bill and to my own relief, i don't need to pay direct loans until december because being so forgetful, i actually paid 4 months worth in 2 days back in the beginning of september. i'm glad, i thought i'd have to deduct more money from my dwindling account. i also mailed the october payment to the middlesex county special civil unit via grapegum. AND deposited 2 of my paychecks. hurrah! i was productive! and only a teeny bit of retail therapy today. i bought the Firefly series from target but got the discount so only paid $22 for it. i'm going to watch that and then i figure i should go see about watching Bones since hell, david boreanaz is on it and color me a fan of him. and we did walk to the bank and the grocery store. if it's not far, don't take the car! and yay for burning calories, however minimal. madratter said grapegum was trying to distance herself from the rest of us lazy a-holes by working out and going to the gym. it annoys me on some level that grapegum could probably kick my ass, unless i go ape sh!t and turn lady hulk on her. ok well not exactly like that but you know what i mean...

further on the to do list:
- tackling the fridges. both of them could use a good cleaning.
- dry cleaning needs to be dropped off.
- maintenance needs to be called to service our central heat or lack thereof.
- i'm thinking assisted sleeping since i can't sleep. i hate using them though.
- launder the sheets.
- resumes, insert wherever the hell the accent mark goes.
- pick up my watch from fossil store.

good news:
i saw an old to do list that i had posted on facebook [current stalkerville, i mean social e-community] and i've accomplished getting my passport, getting an eye check complete with new contacts & glasses, AND contact people i've been meaning to contact. mel c and romain certainly count so yay! i'm not gonna be an old bitter biddy so :::raspberry:::!

did i mention that i've been dressing in nothing but t-shirts and jeans? for so long it's been pj's and button down shirts/suit jackets matching pants & shoes that i had forgotten the simple pleasure of layered comfy cotton against skin and not having to worry about getting food on my pants. i love it. i'm wearing t-shirts til i puke. =)

2340hrs.

Freedom - Day 24: Retail Therapy

i'm more than familiar with this concept, sadly enough. cheated on, retail therapy. relationship ending, retail therapy. got promoted, retail therapy. death of a parent, mondo retail therapy. not working, retail therapy.

anyway. let's list the damage shall we?
claire's: jewelry organizer that hangs in a lovely black star shape & blue knee high socks with blue from foster's imaginary friends.
coach: black small purse, have had my eye on it for ages. no time like the present. if i die tomorrow, they can bury me with it with one of my journals. or frak it, give it to someone who'll use it. and give the journals to someone who'll find them funny.
garage: i know i know... i do occasionally shop there. bought myself a pink plaid button down & a tank top.
dsw.com: blowfish hey now boots in black. they were $10 cheaper than anywhere else & with shipping costs still $3 cheaper. now just need skirts that look good with tall boots and some thicker leggings as it's getting nippy out.

now up for debate, a bluetooth headset. due to the nature of my injury, talking on the phone with it wedged between my shoulder & ear is no longer acceptable as it just aggravates my neck. also of course, with the final quarter of the year upon us there will be a plethora of cell phones released for holiday consumption. among those in my network, salivating worthy of course, are the blackberry bold, at&t quickfire [aka utstarcomm knick], and the press released just last night samsung epix [consumer named as the blackjack 3, bj III tee hee]. the last 2 are touchscreen(!) but of course RIM always makes fantastic phones. too bad the storm went to verizon. or the touch diamond to sprint. no word on the se xperia x1. i'd get that bad girl just for the name ;-)

taken off to buy list is a new digital camera on account of the fact i have woefully underused my fantastic olympus camera. i dug up the box & installed the software that came with it. nifty features in the software to finalize the awesome photos i'll be taking... pfft, as if! also, never realized there was a built in guide in the camera itself as well as an advanced manual in cd-rom form that came along with the camera. i really should get rid of that annoying propensity to open up my new tech toys and NOT read instructions or anything else for that matter.

recently bought: creative live! cam pro for notebooks. pretty good quality except no built in microphone like my old logitech. but it did come with a headset, which means i have to be plugged into my laptop to talk to people. whatever, i pretty much use it for skype anyway.

etc:
- famous dave's and I are not friends. whatever their recipes use makes me puke or sh!t. i went 2x just to make sure & both times i got sick. can't deny it's good eating tho...
- because i'm not working, i'm sliding back to being the vampire that i am. up all night, sleepy at dawn, and skin as cold as ice.
- i think i'd get more done on my to do list if i write it down but don't look at it to check it off. does that make sense? make a master list and then write down what i've completed.
- i found my star trek space pen that bibs gave to me for christmas back in high school! it was in my coach wristlet this whole time! duh, it makes sense since it's so damn small, i'd put the smallest pen i own in it. Mama said, always carry i pen. you'll never know who'll want your autograph.
- i'm doing better making payments on old debts. i've tried to figure out where i am financially and i've got 2 checks allotted for the next 2 months rent. i thought i had another check but i could be mistaken. until then i will continue to tear through my stuff for that elusive check. also, the macy's card i got from adam and josh last christmas is missing. i found the one from ruby tuesday but no joy on the macy's. i was thinking of getting coco chanel fragrance with it.
- i think i have enough time to learn a language before i go to work, what do you think? i told madratter that we should learn a language nobody else knows. more importantly i should learn a language i want to learn.
- due to my own ineptitude of keeping track of time, in the grand scheme of things, i have missed the window to take my fsd exam in brooklyn. i can't say that i'm disappointed honestly. if they give me crap about wasting company money regarding that class, i believe there are 2 current employees who never even went to the class despite the fact the hotel paid for them both up front.
- i've been gone 24 days. let me list the people who are on the christmas list for giving 2 craps about me as a person and maybe friend. chasing amy, rabbit, cougar, big d, on karen, & tony g. natdog didn't contact me until i extended the sick leave further than 14 days and come to think of it, beeler has been off the radar too despite the xanax sharing & biofreeze giving. then again, natdog has roach burns and the latter is off his rocker so i suppose they also fall in the category of no concept of stuff around them. but seeing as i'm a whole person they haven't seen in half a minute and not an object, you'd think they'd notice.

oh well. back to a/c fanfic. i'd say it was a revival but i never read them when the show was actually on. one day it was k/l fanfic, then i just decided vampire goodness was in order.

fight 'em til you can't. 2131hrs.