no turkey this year, not that we're not fans but making a whole turkey just seemed ludicrous considering it will just sit as leftovers for days. so we opted for chicken instead. poultry is poultry in this family. the first year i've eaten thanksgiving with the family and it was just the 5 of us. giant had work, and kuya ugo went to his in-laws. i'll give erika this, she makes a mean turkey. we also made too many sides, in army unit proportions. madratter basically was the chef, call me sous. all in all good, we were stuffed and didn't even make it to the homemade pumpkin pie or any ice cream for that matter. and the apple cider was incredible, even more so with pomegranate juice. just thought i'd share that as my own personal discovery which i'm sure many people already know. i felt kind of bad we didn't pick up our aunts down in south jersey as they spent it just them. but they will be here this christmas so i guess that's good.
here we go.
- spare change total, $187.25.
- why did i make 2 lbs worth of mashed potatoes? i thought the potatoes would reduce, thinking of course of the mushrooms! note to self, do not make mashed potatoes with sour cream any more. people think it went bad the next day. =/
- the potatoes may have gone bad and too bad i ate it bcuz now i'm awake since my stomach won't settle.
- black friday and no new electronics. except for the 2gb of ram i bought for junior. he is SO sluggish, i'm about ready to throw him out the window...
- black friday mass idiocy, a man [may he r.i.p.] was trampled to death by sale hungry morons at a long island wal-mart. 34 yrs old, seasonal worker, died from the rush of about 200 people for the early morning sale. wal-mart told his family he died of a heart attack [please look closely at the damn sneaker prints on your son's face!]. and children, i hope you enjoy your made in china play things because mommy and daddy killed for them.
- loida called me and left a message. i just heard it today. she said thank you for wishing a happy holiday & to give her a call. she still hadn't found permanent work.
- need a haircut. also need to feel like the new year is going to bring about new things, fresh, un-bitter things.
- and yay giant. that went like a fanfic.
- speaking of which, i need to write. insanely. with scribbles and plot lines. and cliffhangers and epiphany type endings. or maybe a fable or lesson. i needed paper in a bad way but i'd only get an outline done.
- turning japanese is not working out so much. i have way too many spanish books to ignore.
the other day i heard a story about pepe from uge-wan about her daycare days over a year ago. one of the evaluations the teacher gave was an amused recollection of what she responded to in class. the kids were asked where peanut butter comes from and like most kids, they said either peanut or butter. pepe answered from the jar. we should've known then she was going to be a smartass. i love her so, i want to smack her 5 year old face for being funny. :-D
time to settle in, fight 'em til you can't. 113008/0112
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
1 week
it's like a fading bad dream, my tenure at the hellmount. i honestly didn't know what i'd do once i got out of there, frankly forcibly was not one of the scenarios. it's like finding one's sanity. you're striving for it and you knew it was important to find it, get there, but you weren't really sure what to do once you got there. it's only been a week, i guess i got some things to figure out. ever since the news spread, shows who really gives a crap. it both comforted me and irritated me. i probably thought some people were more important than in actual reality. epitaph: "here lies coco, she did alot of work but it was all for naught. now fuck off." at least that bastard won't call me that name anymore.
on other news, harvey junior has been giving me problems. it's like he's throwing a tantrum for me leaving for houston for a few days. when i left, he worked fine. now it's taking forever to load things. forget about loading aim! so gchat for me at this point and facebook. and i'm not sure if it's because grapegum now has wifi on her computer by my signal is significantly weaker. i got like 3 yellow bars with intermittent 4 green bars. and dear Lord, seriously forget about loading more than 2 programs running at a time. including spider solitaire. i'm not sure if more ram will fix this but hopefully it does. it'll have to be my last big splurge since now i've got to ration out my money. it's been a hot minute since i've had to really watch what i spend. you can count my bluetooth earpiece [it's red, i had to get it] as my pre-unemployment binge buy. the first black friday i have off and i have no money to spend! lol. ain't life grand?
hmm now for the job front. i'm not sure i want to dive right back into work to be brutally honest. i keep telling myself that the hellmount had taken so much from me and i shouldn't be further beat by the negative energy from that place and from those people by not looking for a job. but geez... for over 4 years, with the exception of my mother's own passing, not much has occupied my mind. that being said, i had nearly sacrified many relationships because they couldn't compete with the amount of time and energy i spent regarding the hellmount and all it's denizens. or citizens. whichever. i didn't see people for several months at a time, i emailed my own family who lived in the same house, and giant was thisclose to just ditching me for someone more attentive about 1/2 a dozen times. and yet nothing, i got the shaft anyway. i would like to shed a tear for the hellmount because all things considered it was a loss. maybe i thought i could make a difference and maybe that's why i tried so hard and worked so hard. but like the epitaph said, it was all for naught and i should've quit months ago. i promised myself i'd make it a year after she died and i did and i should've quit then while i was still more than 50% into all the bullshit there. but working myself to the ground just to avoid my own emotional implosion of her leaving was not the wisest of actions. but i was always stubborn and always independent [flaws that broke a couple of romantic entanglements mind you]. people who cared about me kept pointing it out but i was too invested in my own decisions to take heed. something about if i backed out of my own choices then it showed me to be weak. i have no idea why i'm so bananas like that. i took care of business there but the business never took care of me.
SO. lessons? never put 110% into any work or job unless your name is on the sign. work is work, friendships are separate from work even if your own friends work there. i think i got good at that. nobody appreciates bullshit or lying and most times people see through it. but that's not to say one should not practice discretion. multitasking is great, balance is even better. if your gut instinct is twitching, follow it and take notes. blind cc is your best friend when dealing with unsavory characters. your word is still your honor and anyone who doesn't believe that is not to be trusted. take office gossip with a grain of salt and always consider your source [lol]. and funnily enough, the last one is from someone who was older and wiser but couldn't be trusted - no matter what they say to you, how they talk to you, they can't ever take away the lessons you've learned from there. have faith in myself...
call me the girl in limbo then, i'm at a crossroads in my life. it's a shame when a handful of people, once all things considered, tell me this is a blessing in disguise with such conviction in their voice that i'm almost certain they knew something all along that i had missed. or too foolish to listen to. adversity shows a man's true character. and the hellmount was nothing but adversity. i should've listened to myself from 2 years ago. don't expect anything from them, but expect nothing less from myself. i suppose deep down i did know i didn't belong there but you stick with the evil you know. LOL. i'm sure i'll think of stupider rationales in my future. so now what?
scrape up some moolah and i guess i should try to go to boracay.
i should start living. it's as simple and hard as that.
112008/2346hrs
on other news, harvey junior has been giving me problems. it's like he's throwing a tantrum for me leaving for houston for a few days. when i left, he worked fine. now it's taking forever to load things. forget about loading aim! so gchat for me at this point and facebook. and i'm not sure if it's because grapegum now has wifi on her computer by my signal is significantly weaker. i got like 3 yellow bars with intermittent 4 green bars. and dear Lord, seriously forget about loading more than 2 programs running at a time. including spider solitaire. i'm not sure if more ram will fix this but hopefully it does. it'll have to be my last big splurge since now i've got to ration out my money. it's been a hot minute since i've had to really watch what i spend. you can count my bluetooth earpiece [it's red, i had to get it] as my pre-unemployment binge buy. the first black friday i have off and i have no money to spend! lol. ain't life grand?
hmm now for the job front. i'm not sure i want to dive right back into work to be brutally honest. i keep telling myself that the hellmount had taken so much from me and i shouldn't be further beat by the negative energy from that place and from those people by not looking for a job. but geez... for over 4 years, with the exception of my mother's own passing, not much has occupied my mind. that being said, i had nearly sacrified many relationships because they couldn't compete with the amount of time and energy i spent regarding the hellmount and all it's denizens. or citizens. whichever. i didn't see people for several months at a time, i emailed my own family who lived in the same house, and giant was thisclose to just ditching me for someone more attentive about 1/2 a dozen times. and yet nothing, i got the shaft anyway. i would like to shed a tear for the hellmount because all things considered it was a loss. maybe i thought i could make a difference and maybe that's why i tried so hard and worked so hard. but like the epitaph said, it was all for naught and i should've quit months ago. i promised myself i'd make it a year after she died and i did and i should've quit then while i was still more than 50% into all the bullshit there. but working myself to the ground just to avoid my own emotional implosion of her leaving was not the wisest of actions. but i was always stubborn and always independent [flaws that broke a couple of romantic entanglements mind you]. people who cared about me kept pointing it out but i was too invested in my own decisions to take heed. something about if i backed out of my own choices then it showed me to be weak. i have no idea why i'm so bananas like that. i took care of business there but the business never took care of me.
SO. lessons? never put 110% into any work or job unless your name is on the sign. work is work, friendships are separate from work even if your own friends work there. i think i got good at that. nobody appreciates bullshit or lying and most times people see through it. but that's not to say one should not practice discretion. multitasking is great, balance is even better. if your gut instinct is twitching, follow it and take notes. blind cc is your best friend when dealing with unsavory characters. your word is still your honor and anyone who doesn't believe that is not to be trusted. take office gossip with a grain of salt and always consider your source [lol]. and funnily enough, the last one is from someone who was older and wiser but couldn't be trusted - no matter what they say to you, how they talk to you, they can't ever take away the lessons you've learned from there. have faith in myself...
call me the girl in limbo then, i'm at a crossroads in my life. it's a shame when a handful of people, once all things considered, tell me this is a blessing in disguise with such conviction in their voice that i'm almost certain they knew something all along that i had missed. or too foolish to listen to. adversity shows a man's true character. and the hellmount was nothing but adversity. i should've listened to myself from 2 years ago. don't expect anything from them, but expect nothing less from myself. i suppose deep down i did know i didn't belong there but you stick with the evil you know. LOL. i'm sure i'll think of stupider rationales in my future. so now what?
scrape up some moolah and i guess i should try to go to boracay.
i should start living. it's as simple and hard as that.
112008/2346hrs
Friday, November 14, 2008
Freedom.
well, I just got back from Houston yesterday. note: everyone there drives and gas was below $2. as raf said, we make it down here so we get it cheap. I went to visit some family down there and maybe catch some sights. first day there, we did nothing but watch movies [Gone in 60 Seconds & Miami Vice]. we also stopped at Jack in the Box where Uge-wan got himself the sourdough burger he's been craving. I opted for the healthier but no less awesome chicken pita. tita bab & tito nannie made us dinner with fresh cut fruit and plaintains as side dishes. she even gave us vitamin supplements when we finished dinner. then dancing with the stars in the "tv room" which has a tv the size of pepe's room. their house is 4500sf, so please let's all try to imagine how big the tv is, needing only popcorn to complete the feeling. oh yeah, there's a lake in the back yard. 2nd day there after bfast of blueberry pancakes, we headed out to the museum of natural history thinking we were going to catch an imax film. too bad they don't update the website as we had the wrong times. so instead we caught the bodies exhibit & gawked and ooh and ahh'd at the dead bodies on display. some of the displays will forever play roles in any scary dreams i will have in the future. not sure why they don't let you take pictures but then again, i wasn't too keen on having any REAL dead bodies saved on my xD anyhow... raf took us to Lopez restuarant where we stuffed our gullets full of tortillas for $10 a person. they had no fried ice cream so we went to cold stone creamery then. then it was back to their house for dancing with the stars. lol, they watch tv together. we checked our emails etc, chatted... houses there are cheap. just gotta score a job and save some cash. of course, there's also the kooky weather so not sure if it's worth it to live in a place where the roof could be ripped off at any time. alot of store signs, etc were still unreplaced from hurricane ike from a few weeks back. that night i couldn't sleep because the rain was hitting the window hard while coming in sideways and the ground shook with every lightning and thunder. i fell asleep trying to figure out how far the lighting strike was. 3rd day, very late start which was further delayed with watching Flags of Our Fathers. we went to Taste of Texas where we got to pick our own cut of meat. I killed that 16oz steak but dagnamit, I felt all meat drunk afterwards. their potatoes au gratin and crabcake were also excellent. we didn't make it to kennedy space center even though we drove out there. caught traffic on their highway so we got there 1/2 before closing. but the lady let us in free to take a look around, see what we can explore for next time. the clone wars exhibit is there. anyway, I think we'd like to do the Level 9 tour. they take only 12 a day & it's the behind the scenes tour. it's a nerd/dweeb tour basically. i cannot wait. I may as well go seeing as I'm now unemployed.
the hellmount has let me go. I'm not upset per se seeing as how my moniker for it is hellmount. and I've taken so much abuse there, unfair breakdown of work [how come everyone else gets a free pass not to have to do something just bc they don't seem all that interested in it]. plus one of the other managers managed to get herself knocked up and let's just save hkn the embarrassment of asking me to do PM shift bc she's pregnant. apparently I'm being labeled as job abandonment and if anyone thought about me as a professional for the split second for them to realize I'm really not there, then it would have seem incredibly laughable to someone who really knew me that I would walk away from the job. f-ing ridiculous. and if I were half as crazy, I'd barricade the doors and set the place on fire with everyone inside. if i really walked away, my back would surely have the flames of the hellmount reflecting off me leather jacket. cuz when one is raising hell, there's got to be a leather jacket involved. people get alarmed when i say things like that but naz said, if i started to sing happy happy joy joy a call to the looney bin would be placed. citing i always had a dark streak but i've learned to temper it for more practical things. it's so funny how just 2 or 3 things sets apart the psychopaths/sociopaths from the "normal" population. it's funny how things get decided. lucky for people i want to help the good guys fight the good fight.
oops, got sidetracked with that last bit. anyway, I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something and perhaps this is the fire I needed lit under my ass to get the ball rolling. I was talking to naz and chasingamy about how i'm destined for something greater but i'm just too damn tired to reach for it. naz said i should make a shirt out of it. but really, i am destined for something better, greater. i just need a nap first. LOL i slay me. admittedly, i'm more upset i don't get to leave on my own terms but you can't win them all i guess. i haven't won anything for the past year anyway. and i should congratulate myself. i did manage to get promoted and i surpassed my own predicted shelf life at the hellmount. I promised myself that I'd make it a year there after my world crashed down. and let's face it, i should have left when the douche of operations told me i hadn't improved as a manager since i became one. what an a-hole. it's been way over a year. people had so little faith in me there. best not to lose faith in myself then, right?
let's see what aurora brings.
fight 'em til you can't. or at least til you don't have to. 111408/1449hrs.
the hellmount has let me go. I'm not upset per se seeing as how my moniker for it is hellmount. and I've taken so much abuse there, unfair breakdown of work [how come everyone else gets a free pass not to have to do something just bc they don't seem all that interested in it]. plus one of the other managers managed to get herself knocked up and let's just save hkn the embarrassment of asking me to do PM shift bc she's pregnant. apparently I'm being labeled as job abandonment and if anyone thought about me as a professional for the split second for them to realize I'm really not there, then it would have seem incredibly laughable to someone who really knew me that I would walk away from the job. f-ing ridiculous. and if I were half as crazy, I'd barricade the doors and set the place on fire with everyone inside. if i really walked away, my back would surely have the flames of the hellmount reflecting off me leather jacket. cuz when one is raising hell, there's got to be a leather jacket involved. people get alarmed when i say things like that but naz said, if i started to sing happy happy joy joy a call to the looney bin would be placed. citing i always had a dark streak but i've learned to temper it for more practical things. it's so funny how just 2 or 3 things sets apart the psychopaths/sociopaths from the "normal" population. it's funny how things get decided. lucky for people i want to help the good guys fight the good fight.
oops, got sidetracked with that last bit. anyway, I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something and perhaps this is the fire I needed lit under my ass to get the ball rolling. I was talking to naz and chasingamy about how i'm destined for something greater but i'm just too damn tired to reach for it. naz said i should make a shirt out of it. but really, i am destined for something better, greater. i just need a nap first. LOL i slay me. admittedly, i'm more upset i don't get to leave on my own terms but you can't win them all i guess. i haven't won anything for the past year anyway. and i should congratulate myself. i did manage to get promoted and i surpassed my own predicted shelf life at the hellmount. I promised myself that I'd make it a year there after my world crashed down. and let's face it, i should have left when the douche of operations told me i hadn't improved as a manager since i became one. what an a-hole. it's been way over a year. people had so little faith in me there. best not to lose faith in myself then, right?
let's see what aurora brings.
fight 'em til you can't. or at least til you don't have to. 111408/1449hrs.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Freedom - Day 38: President Elect
well children, the dawn of a new era i suppose. we've gotten ourselves a black president. some comedian had said that the country had gotten sh!tty enough to warrant an actual change. others see this as one of the portents to the apocalypse, complete with a soothing voice. regardless, where i stand is far more sinister than either of these camps. it's too bad i'm neither motivated nor a genius.
anyway, today started off with some hammering. the powers of that be for the apartment complex are replacing the balconies for the units. so today is our turn. they redid the actual balcony, which was in sore need of updating/reinforcing, and put in new support posts. i think they used the same banisters & guard rails. a financially prudent choice, as well as environmental. pffft, right. then uge-wan took me to doc norman for therapy. i usually go on fridays but this whole week the old man is going to work early. they cut 20 flights this week so they need someone to cater earlier. therapy, i've been fortunate, has only taken at least an hour of the day. it was pretty good. doc norman must have arms the size of hulk hogan's, cracking & massaging people must take some sort of strength. then it was post office, bank and i finally dropped off my dry cleaning. not all of it but at least enough of it to reduce that pile that's just been draped over the banister outside my door. we picked up madratter from work, where we stocked up on chips and dip for no reason other than being lazy fat bastards that we are. and to our own slow realization, we were just hungry. we headed to menlo across the street & "feasted" on taco bell. i haven't had that crap in ages so i'm not gonna feel guilty about it. we then decided to go to best buy and check out the hp touchsmart. uge-wan got annoyed by it but he said later on how are we going to split it. it's just a regular old vista pc....but with a touchscreen. madratter bought a bleach game, shattered blade released 2 yrs ago, and i finally got me a bluetooth. specifically the samsung wep350, in red of course. they had black ones but who am i kidding? i always get the red ones. they did not have the epix or even the touch diamond so a bust there. anyway, i'm happy i got the bluetooth. i really needed one, like i need a tattoo. lol
so tomorrow, i need to arrange to have my head examined. and get that damn prescription filled though i'm not sure as i haven't finished the cyclobenzaprine. anyhoot... and go to the mall, return a pair of pants that to my horrid realization was made for chicks with NO asses. not small asses, NO asses. so it feels like the waist is just chillin right above my crack. and my bank of course, to deposit a check. i wonder if i have any checks from work left..?
things to ponder: getting a haircut before going back to work. urgh... just the thought of it makes me sick. work, not the haircut. and where can i get at least one foot in to work in a private investigation firm? i really really need a driver's license. frell it, i should just do it.
fight 'em til you can't. until then, hope obama has a good plan. 110508/1804hrs.
anyway, today started off with some hammering. the powers of that be for the apartment complex are replacing the balconies for the units. so today is our turn. they redid the actual balcony, which was in sore need of updating/reinforcing, and put in new support posts. i think they used the same banisters & guard rails. a financially prudent choice, as well as environmental. pffft, right. then uge-wan took me to doc norman for therapy. i usually go on fridays but this whole week the old man is going to work early. they cut 20 flights this week so they need someone to cater earlier. therapy, i've been fortunate, has only taken at least an hour of the day. it was pretty good. doc norman must have arms the size of hulk hogan's, cracking & massaging people must take some sort of strength. then it was post office, bank and i finally dropped off my dry cleaning. not all of it but at least enough of it to reduce that pile that's just been draped over the banister outside my door. we picked up madratter from work, where we stocked up on chips and dip for no reason other than being lazy fat bastards that we are. and to our own slow realization, we were just hungry. we headed to menlo across the street & "feasted" on taco bell. i haven't had that crap in ages so i'm not gonna feel guilty about it. we then decided to go to best buy and check out the hp touchsmart. uge-wan got annoyed by it but he said later on how are we going to split it. it's just a regular old vista pc....but with a touchscreen. madratter bought a bleach game, shattered blade released 2 yrs ago, and i finally got me a bluetooth. specifically the samsung wep350, in red of course. they had black ones but who am i kidding? i always get the red ones. they did not have the epix or even the touch diamond so a bust there. anyway, i'm happy i got the bluetooth. i really needed one, like i need a tattoo. lol
so tomorrow, i need to arrange to have my head examined. and get that damn prescription filled though i'm not sure as i haven't finished the cyclobenzaprine. anyhoot... and go to the mall, return a pair of pants that to my horrid realization was made for chicks with NO asses. not small asses, NO asses. so it feels like the waist is just chillin right above my crack. and my bank of course, to deposit a check. i wonder if i have any checks from work left..?
things to ponder: getting a haircut before going back to work. urgh... just the thought of it makes me sick. work, not the haircut. and where can i get at least one foot in to work in a private investigation firm? i really really need a driver's license. frell it, i should just do it.
fight 'em til you can't. until then, hope obama has a good plan. 110508/1804hrs.
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