keep moving or die standing.

keep moving or die standing. that's what i said to queenliz last night. the bleakness of the job market really really sucks. and after all my hard work, my own personal w&h are trying to make sure i don't ever work in this town again. some things in life really tries your patience and i'm equal parts apathetic and homicidal about it.

the old man went to work even though he didn't want to. claimed he didn't want to call out either but that his back was killing him. he then asked me if it was in his head, answering him with a vague "partly" not really caring to explain myself since i was elbow deep at the sink cleaning up dishes. he walked away, and i felt guilty about not taking a hand in convincing himself not to work today. he came back down dressed for work and said maybe it was because he hadn't moved the whole time he was sleeping so i just kept my mouth shut. i sent my usual silent prayer up to God asking Him to make sure he got back home tonight.

today was a rather useless day, aside from washing dishes I had done none of what I had intended to do. the snow put me off but I actually was awake amazingly early but curled up under my blanket. got to keep on moving. the y has an annual resident fee of $366 and retro fitness has a $19.99/month membership fee. the old man pointed out i was lacking discipline and told me to sign up my depressed ass over to the gym and pay someone to yell up to stop being a lard ass. not that i'm actually a lard ass but if this economy doesn't improve, give me a few months and i will be.

i did get my christmas present via ups today, from moi of course. i got the entire Angel the Series dvd set. amazon had a *crazy* ass sale a few days ago so i got it. i doubt the price would drop any lower unless there's some new fangled technology out there for mass consumption where the episodes can just be beamed into our heads. this act is also a prime example of how childish - read between the lines, selfish - i can be as my present came before everyone elses. as in theirs are still all at the stores while mine is sitting in its boxed glory at my side table.

had a small spat with madratter about her attitude. she got mad i yelled at her and i told her that's how she communicates with the rest of us, by yelling. so i thought it prudent to get my point across by yelling. and let's face it, i'm a few bats short of belfry regarding my own temper and i *am* the loudest of the five by far. but anyway i told her calmly, loosely used here, that she has a bad attitude talking to people that way probably because she never got the beatings we used to get as kids. and the old man never disciplines her because she's the youngest like he is with his siblings. and in my head if ma were here she would've gotten a smack in the mouth already. her response to my lecture was taking out my christmas presents that she hid in the closet, throwing one of them at me and declaring she would return the others. i picked up the Beetle Bard book [which i knew she had bought already, sister sense], put it on top of her dresser & told her i didn't want it if that was her childish reaction to something as inane as don't put the empty bowl on the edge of the couch. she's still a god damned kid.

anyhoot. trying to bounce around ideas in my head for the story i'm working on. expanded version from a dream i had a few weeks back, the one where madratter said i was f*cked in the head when i told her about it. first and last line should be the same, i decided. also, i should continue to write during my enforced exile from the working world and pray pray to God that i get unemployment. but my naive self can't seem to grasp the fact that some people may not like me or respect me enough that they would actively put negativity in my life. then there's the picking up my old hobbies, like making earrings. i had toyed with the idea of making pepe a dreamcatcher and aside from giant's mumbled witchcraft comment, i simply don't have enough time to fashion one. plus not sure where my fine wire is although it literally just occurred to me to use yarn or colored string for the web. and i volunteered myself to kuya to pick up his wife's t&co gift on 5th ave. idk why but since i will be out there at some point before christmas i may as well. this way i won't feel like i have to hang around the house waiting for his delivery even though i have nowhere else to go. missed rabbit's call around 10-11pm. dates and times don't matter much to the unemployed. i shall strive to remember to call her tomorrow evening.

previews: end of the year recap. little things. resolutions.

keep moving or die standing. OR was it, stand your ground and die trying? lol
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